HELEN: 

  My family and I have gotten on a kick of going to the library once a week or so here lately.  Last week I checked out Richard Simmons' autobiography, "Still Hungry After All These Years".  I've been riveted to it and am about two thirds of the way through it. I love working out to Richard Simmons' Sweatin' series of workout videos.  A lot of people make fun of Richard, but I think he's awesome.

  I can so relate to a lot of what he shared in regards to his dad and being made fun of in school.  He shares how his dad was very critical of him growing up and that he felt he could never do anything that made his dad happy no matter what he did or how successful he was. His dad had a terrible temper and his mother tried to comfort him through it all.  Also, Richard's grandfather (his father's dad who he had never met) was a Christian minister, as was my grandfather (both grandfathers in fact).  Richard's mother's family was Jewish and there's a family legend on my mom's side of the family that her mother's family had a Jewish heritage (which I'd love to find out if it's true or not but I can't seem to get to the bottom of it after much research). He discussed being made fun of and harassed so terribly in high school by a boy (among others) he called Moose.

  But anyway...reading his book has brought up so many memories of growing up with my dad and feeling the same way as well as the issues in high school (in my situation I wasn't made fun of by a boy named  Moose, but rather made fun of being called Moose by another chubby kid).  My dad was a very large man and I think it was his attempt to try to get me to not turn out the way he did, but his method of discipline was through shame.  Instead of encouraging me in a positive way to try to eat more healthy and get more exercise, he'd shame me and tell me things like I'd never amount to anything as long as I stayed big and that I had "such a pretty face if only..." (boy don't we all know that line...) He'd tell me I'd never get married or have a good life as long as I stayed so fat, yada yada.  He was very controlling and had a very serious problem with his temper. My mother always tried to make peace between us and she was caught in the middle way too many times.

  BUT he loved me.  I knew that. I just always wished he'd love me consistently and not tell me in one breath "You'll never amount to anything" and "You can do anything you want to do if you just put your mind to it."  He'd be very loving one minute and the next I could do nothing right and he'd be talking about me to other people like I was the worst person on the planet and how disappointed he was in me.  I grew up in a very small house and I remember many nights when I was in bed, listening to my dad talk to my mom in their bedroom about how disappointed he was in me and I'd cry myself to sleep.  But, with the mixed message staying consistent, other nights I'd hear him praying to God to reach me so I wouldn't go through what he did.

  I don't share this to put my father down. He was a good father in that he took care of me for a lot of years, put food on the table, clothes on my back, took care of my physical needs and at times told me he loved me.  The mixed signals were very difficult to grow up with.  It took me into my early thirties, just before he died, to make peace with him in my mind and realize that my dad was a victim and had his own person demons of morbid obesity he was dealing with.  He had a LOT of pride and it just killed him to be home-bound in the last 15 or so years of his life due to his weight and health issues resulting from him not taking care of himself. 

  I've come to feel sorry for what he went through with his own struggles with his size and to recognize that he didn't want me to go through what he did and his shame tactics were his attempts to get me to not go down the same path he did.  How badly I wish my dad could have realized that his plan was seriously backfiring.  Instead of making me inspired to not follow his example, the shaming made me seek comfort and the shortest route to a place of comfort often is the kitchen, as was my case.  That continues to me my biggest struggle with food to this day.  I can resist it well when things are going well or are at least stable. But when things go to pot, to food I turn for comfort.

The rest of this blog entry is a copy and paste from a post I had on my old blog site and I thought I'd share it here for a little background info in case anyone is interested for whatever reason :)

Paste from my June 27, 2007 blog post:

So I watched a show tonight on the TLC channel called "The World's Heaviest Man" about a man who weighed over 1200 pounds and at the end of the show he'd gotten down to 840 pounds or so using "The Zone" diet. The creator of the diet visited him a few times and covered his expenses for it all. It was so sad to see what his eating habits has gotten him to. The worst part was these two huge growths of lymphedema on his legs that kept him from walking once he got to 840. His skin was stretched and black (he was a latin man, so his skin wasn't supposed to be black) and it was seeping and infected and scaly and just nasty. It was basically enormous fat deposits and its a wonder he didn't develop a bigger infection than what he had from it!
My dad died of septic shock after a big growth he had under his stomach that hung between his legs (that was a lot like what the guy on the show had on each of his legs) burst.  Infection set in and took over his body and killed him at the age of 64 in 1998, and he wasn't half the size of the man on that show (my dad was a little over 500 at his highest weight I think).
My dad died without seeing me get married, build our own home and become a mommy to my baby boy. If he'd taken better care of himself and lost enough weight to safely remove that growth (or better yet had it removed before it grew t the size it had), he'd be here with us now to enjoy his youngest child's (me) family and he could have walked me down the aisle when I got married instead of my brother.
I've learned a huge lesson from my dad's mistakes and I'm wanting to be alive for a very long time for my family.
Anyway....the show brought back a lot of memories of what my dad dealt with and showed me even more why I need to stay on track so I don't put my family through what he did his by neglecting himself so badly.
_____________________________________________________
The most cruel name I was called in high school was "moose". This chubby red-headed kid with a ton of freckles named Chuck M. started that lovely nickname...sigh. He'd stand at one end of the hall and in between classes when the halls were full of students, he'd wait till I walked by and when I got to the other end of the hall he'd start yelling "mmmmmmmmMOOSE!!" and a lot of other teenagers would be standing around with him and laughing their heads off...
I told myself that if I ever saw him alone by himself once I already had my diploma that I was going to punch him in the face as hard as I could. Ironically...the day we graduated, I was in the hall going to my locker to get my stuff and the hallway was empty...all but Chuck. I was SO tempted. Then his dad (I assumed it was his dad anyway) came around the corner to get him and they were standing there together at his locker. I wanted so badly to at least go up to his dad and tell him something like "you should be so proud of your son, listen to the living hell he made my high school years" and explain what he'd done to me. But I just stood there for a minute and looked at him and he just looked back at me and didnt' say a word, but had this look of fear on his face like he was nervous that I was going to get him into trouble with his dad. At first I wanted to tell his dad all about it and then punch Chuck in the face as hard as I could and run away in glee, but something (perhaps some One) held me back and I suddenly just felt very sorry for him. So I just looked him in the eye and turned and walked away and rejoined my family outside to go home to my little graduation party.
I think I realized that for someone to dedicate themselves so much to making my life a living hell for 3 years, someone who'd never done anything to him and never brought this on myself, he had to have been a very insecure and troubled kid who put me down to try to cover up his own inadequacies. I think I grew up a lot that day :)
I often wonder if Chuck ever did and hope he stopped putting people through the hell he did me.

HELEN:

  The surgeon who's going to be doing my ventral hernia repair in April (my new bariatric surgeon who's following up with me now) has a great program and he encourages his patients to also have regular appointments with the rest of his team, being a nutritionist (whom I've seen three or four times now) and a psychologist who helps the pre-op patients be sure they know what they're getting into and us post-op patients adjust to all the changes weight loss brings to us.

  So anyway...I had my first visit with the psychologist today.  He's a super nice guy and it was easy for me to dump all my baggage into his lap.  He said I was incredibly well-adjusted for someone who had been through as much as I have. We talked for a long time and I really enjoyed it.  Ok, well the baggage dumping was a little nerve-racking, but I guess even that felt cleansing somehow.  I'll be visiting with him or his assistant from time to time.

  One thing I'd like to share here from that visit is an analogy he used that really hit home with me today. I LOVE the new gym I've started going to but have been worried about spending the money for it and feeling guilty for wanting to pay for a year's membership when we have so many bills to worry about with my husband's medical bills.  The psychologist asked me if I'd ever flown in an airplane before.  I told him yes, after I'd lost a hundred pounds from my gastric bypass surgery in 2001 I flew for the first time.  He asked me if I remembered what the flight attendants told us about the oxygen use in case of an emergency.  He said "What do they tell you to do if you have a young child with you or someone who can't care for themselves?"  I couldn't remember so I just said "well you tend to them first get them safe and then you take care of yourself".  He said, "no, that's not right."  He said "They tell you to put the oxygen mask on YOURSELF first then you're able to breath easily enough to put the oxygen mask on the other person."

  He went on to describe how weight loss and exercise and taking care of yourself is the same way.  He said in my position of being a care-taker of my husband and our little boy that I'm putting them first, which most of us is taught is the way it should be.  But if you consider the analogy of the airplane oxygen mask, it's a great illustration of how we take the best care of our loved ones when we take care of ourselves first so we're able to care for them better. 

  Needless to say, it was a wake-up call to me and somehow I am going to get that yearly membership to the rec center. I hope those of you who may be reading this have the same wake-up call. 

  Looking back over all the people in my life I've known who have had serious weight problems, a great many of them have been care takers and put themselves last.  I want to be the best wife and mommy I can be, so I'm going to stop feeling guilty for doing what I need to to take better care of myself. At the very least, I'm sure going to start working more on trying to feel less guilty about me :)

HELEN:

Hi Kelley :)

  Those are some great insights about the mind set in your blog!  Ya know, when I was doing really well a few years ago losing weight, a friend of mine who had started trying to lose with me (an online friend) and got off track accused me of being "obsessed", like you mentioned.  I was offended and got to thinking about it and answered back that I was not obsessed, I was FOCUSED.  You HAVE to be focused when you're in a fight to save your life!  If someone has cancer and has to go for various treatments and medical procedures, they get themselves in a place where they make that a priority and it's at the front of their priorities in their life. It's their FOCUS. You would never say that person is obsessed with wanting to beat cancer, would you? No rational person would EVER say that to a cancer patient.  Obesity is an epidemic in America and growing (no pun intended) rampantly. It takes a heck of a lot of focus to beat obesity and it's often a life threatening condition too. So people should really rethink things when they accuse something who is trying to lose weight and get healthy as being obsessed.

  We HAVE to be focused to win this battle. If they want to call it obsession, that just shows either their ignorance of just how serious a disease this is or they are in denial themselves and trying to justify their own lack of efforts.

  If taking my health seriously at last is being obsessed then bring it on :) But at least it's a HEALTHY obsession :)

Hmm...I think I'll post this to the blog LOL

  I'll try to get our measurements up on the site tomorrow. I'm going to the gym earlier than usual tomorrow to swim as we have a loaner car (our car is in the shop) and I have to play chauffeur tomorrow for the family before we can go trade cars and get our car back and get the loaner car back to Enterprise before the time limit is up.

  Keep up the great work!

Hugs

Helen

KELLEY:

January 15:

Visualization and Weight Loss
Weight loss is a mental game and once your mindset is right and you are onboard 100 percent you will succeed.   Visualization plays a large part of that.  You have to be able to envision yourself at your ideal weight.  If you can't visualize yourself at your goal weight you are sending yourself a negative message that it can't be accomplished.    With visualization your mental image of yourself at your goal weight is transferred to your subconscious which begins working on making your body match that mental image.
            Your subconscious mind looks after your vital functions, is the cause of your good and bad habits, controls your muscles, and is responsible for your body fat composition.   My being overweight is a result of years of bad eating habits.  Habits that are the result of many varying factors some I am sure I am not aware of.   By mentally preparing myself to lose weight, I can enlist my subconscious mind in breaking those bad habits.  As an example, I haven't had a diet soda in 24 days.   I have been drinking water 99 percent of the time but also red and green tea along with milk and light juices.  I had at least a 60 ounce a day diet soda habit that I quit cold turkey on Christmas Eve.   My subconscious helped me conquer that as I have had no withdrawal symptoms and not one relapse.  I knew to be the healthiest I could be that had to go and it went with no regrets.
            We need to practice mental imagery everyday. See ourselves at our ideal weight and make the images as real as possible.   Visualize yourself receiving compliments from friends and coworkers or laying on a beach somewhere in that bikini.
            Some would say I obsess too much on the weight, losing it, and always wanting to make the healthiest choices not splurging even during the holidays.   I say that I am doing what is right for me and using my mind to guide me to my final destination.  Once reached it will be a lifetime of continuing my good eating habits and exercise regimen to stay there.
            Weight loss is not a direct route from A to B but in reality a winding path.   Not sure who said this but we need to remember," Life is not a spelling bee where one mistake wipes out all we have done right."

KELLEY:

January 14

I started my workouts back today.  I listened to Jillian's podcasts at work today.   In one of them she said don't say before your workout you are going to have a tough time in the gym today instead stay I'm going to have a KICKASS workout today.
So before I went into Curves today I said I am going to have a KICKASS workout today and I did!   I normally burn 370 calories in 30 minutes but today I burned 450 in the same amount of time.  I really made an extra effort and gave it 110 percent throughout.   I will do the same tomorrow.  I have my workout clothes packed ready to go!
I have been trying new recipes every evening but I have got to be more conscious of my sodium for the day.   I had been staying below 1500 milligrams a day but the last 2 days I have almost doubled that.  Tonight I had pork with sauerkraut and apples along with low fat low calorie biscuits but didn't take into account the salt when planning.   I am sure the scale will probably show a weight gain from water retention in the morning.
I am going to have to be very, very, very, conscious in the future of the sodium.  Tomorrow evening, I am having chili and had a lower fat version of cornbread planned.  I will still make the cornbread but for my other family members, who aren't watching salt, and I will have some low salt crackers instead. Chili has about 450 mg of salt per cup alone and I think that will be a good alternative.   From history, I know that salt really affects my weight day to day because of water retention.  I am drinking over 100 ounces of water a day but even that doesn't help if my sodium isn't kept below 1500 mg.
Water retention just bums me out every time.  I guess I just want smooth sailing from point A to point B without any little blips on the screen.   I have been at this now for 8 months and will continue this lifestyle for the rest of my life. So much has been accomplished in a short time.   I have got to continue to be proud of my accomplishments and realize this is a journey not a destination! Just because the scale is up as a result of water retention, when my eating and exercise have been on the money, it is not the end of the world and it will be gone in no time!

KELLEY:

January 13

   I had a very productive Sunday.  I preplanned all my evening meals and then went to the grocery store and purchased the items that I didn't already have in the pantry.   I didn't preplan my breakfast and lunch as I eat those meals at work. We have a small refrigerator in the office that I keep stocked with essentials and a shelf under my desk with cereals and boxed snack items.
   I started working out again after getting over TOM.  I did a Leslie Sansone Weight Loss Walk DVD.  It is a walk aerobics workout that really gets the heart rate pumping.  I burned 557 calories in 54 minutes according to my heart rate monitor.
I will be going to Curves tomorrow after work.  Beginning this week, Curves will be a 4 workouts a week routine.   I will be going every afternoon except for Thursday, which is TOPS meeting night.  I am contest coordinator so I have to be one of the first ones there so I can get results as people get off the scale.   I am going to make that my off day.
   Saturday is my Weight Watchers meeting and then off to work for 4 or 5 hours.  I am going to make a point of doing a workout video or one of Jillian's circuit workouts when I get home.  Sunday I am going to work out in the morning and afternoon, Jillian's circuit workout and one of my workout DVDs.I do have a Leslie Sansone Evening 1 Mile Walk and Legs workout and if I feel up to it some nights after Curves I will put that in.
   For dinner, I made a new recipe, Vegetable Coleslaw.  I have a new recipe planned every evening this week as I was working on having as many ingredients on hand already to work on reducing the grocery bill some this week.   It is just really outrageous what food costs these days and to eat healthier and cleaner is even more expensive.  If any recipes are just really awesome I will share them.

VEGETABLE COLESLAW
1 cup broccoli florets, shredded
1 cup cabbage, shredded
1 cup red cabbage, shredded
1 cup carrot, shredded
1 tablespoon lemon juice
2 tablespoons relish, sweetened
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon dill
¼ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon celery seed
¼ teaspoon dry mustard
¾ cup fat-free mayonnaise
In a large bowl, combine all vegetables and toss.
In a small bowl combine all dressing ingredients.   Toss with vegetables in the large bowl.

   At the Weight Watchers meeting on Saturday, I was up a pound which I attributed to TOM.  Even though I didn't exercise the past week I did stay within my points so I know it was water weight.  That pound was gone this morning and I am sure there is probably still some water weight lingering.   From history I usually have a pretty awesome weight loss the week after so we will see Saturday.
I will end with a motivational quote: The person who gets the farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare.   The sure-thing boat never gets far from shore.  Dale Carnegie

HELEN:

When I left the gym this morning after swimming, I went to Walmart to try to find a new gym bag. On my way there, my cell phone rang and it was the plastic surgeon's office calling to schedule me for an appointment a few days before my surgery for the doctor to draw lines on my body where he's going to do the abdominoplasty.  I told her I didn't know the surgeries were even scheduled yet and she said yes, it was scheduled for April 16th, on a Wednesday, and the surgeon wants me in a few days earlier to draw on me :) 

  She said the bariatric surgeon would be doing the hernia repair and when he was done, the plastic surgeon would take over and do the abdominoplasty.  She said they were feeling pretty positive my insurance company would eventually pay for the abdominoplasty because the doctor had deemed it "medically necessary". I asked "is that due to the hernia?" and she said she wasn't sure, just that the doctor had assured us that it was medically necessary.

  So...now that I have a firm date I'm feeling REALLY nervous!  In a good way, but nervous. I'm excited to be getting it all done, but nervous about the length of the surgery and the recovery time as I've heard it's a very painful recovery period.  The scheduler told me on the phone that the surgery would last four hours. Ugh. That made me nervous.  I guess since my dad died of Septic Shock, being in surgery that long scares me a little. But I survived the gastric bypass surgery, which is much MUCH more invasive, and it lasted about that long, so I should be fine.

  That and the whole thing with Kanye West's mom dying from complications of a tummy tuck didn't help matters either :)

  But, I have three months now to try to whittle away as much of this fat as possible so it will be a much more successful surgery, so watch out :)  I'm gonna need all the support I can get! :)

HELEN: 

  Well I DID it :)  I walked into the rec center for the first time ever today (yesterday now that it's past midnight), bought a 10 day punch card and not knowing a soul there or my way around at first, I went swimming :)  I LOVE that place! :)

  At first when I pulled up  into the parking lot I was a little unsettled. There were people going in and out like crazy. Ugh. I had butterflies in my stomach lol. But I thought about posting to you all about it when I got back and felt a surge of confidence and got my gym bag and went in before I could chicken out lol.  I had this thought in the back of my mind that maybe there were people here who wanted to go to a gym or something and was afraid to go by themselves and maybe if someone here did it then maybe it would help inspire them to just go for it.

  I walked up to the front desk and told the lady there I would like to purchase a punch card to see if I liked it before committing to a membership. She was really nice (everyone there was) and sold me my punch card and asked me if I'd like someone to show me around.  I said of course, I just thought I'd have to make an appointment for that, but she said some was available to show me.  So a nice woman showed me around and answered my questions about the facility. She was impressed that I knew a lot of what she was telling me because I'd read it on the web site.  I told her I'd already lost about 170 pounds and that I usually work out at Curves, but had to stop going for now due to the no lifting weights thing from my doctor.  We talked a bit and she was really impressed with how far I've come so far.  I told her I really was interested mostly in swimming and doing cardio in the fitness area because of my restriction to not lift weights and my need to lose more weight and that swimming was one of the things I loved the most there and that I'd taught swimming lessons for the red cross when I was a teenager. She said "well you know we're always looking for instructors1" and gave me this look with one eyebrow lifted like she was hoping I'd tell her I was interested.  LOL I said "Well I may be asking you about that sometime, but for now I have some work to do."

  I was on my way there when my cell phone rang and it was the head of the ladies Bible study I'm involved in on Monday nights asking me for a favor. Her husband works at the rec center at night as a coach.  I told her I was on my way to the rec center for the first time. She told me the natatorium pool was warmer than the competition pool and she was always freezing when she went to the competition pool.  But I tried the competition pool since it was only adults in there doing serious lap swims, and the water was perfect :)

  Anyway...  I LOVE the pools.  There are two to choose from. A competition pool where only adults were swimming that time of the morning, there are 8 lap lanes there.  And there's a big natatorium where there are about 4 lap lanes and the rest is a huge pool with a current channel where you can walk against the current, a huge play area for the kids with a slide and fountains and places that spray water at them, a zero depth entrance where you can walk into the water easily, and an area they teach aquasize and water aerobics in.  I swam laps in the competition pool and the water temperature was just perfect. 

  I asked the lifeguard how many laps was a mile and that it was my first time there and he was nice and told me where to look to find out how many laps was a mile. It was 70 pool lengths (35 laps).  I swam the whole mile and it took me an hour and fifteen minutes.  I almost stopped at half a mile as my food kept cramping, but it never moved into my leg so I just kept swimming.

  I'm nuts about that place :)  Next time I want to make an appointment for someone to show me the fitness room where there are treadmills, bikes, ellipticals, rowers, weight machines of all sorts, you name it (though I have to avoid the weights for now of course). They have TVs over a lot of the equipment and if you bring in something with an FM receiver in it, you can listen to the TVs through your headphones (like an IPOD or cell phone with fm radio built in, etc.). There's a really nice walking track upstairs too.  The locker rooms were nice and everyone I spoke with were just great.  That's definitely the perfect time of the day for me to go there as it was the slowest time of the day. I got into the pool at 11:15 and swam till 12:30.  There were lots of people in the fitness room, but the girl who showed me around said there's nearly never that many people there that time of the day and she thought it was the New Year's resolution thing and it would let up in a few weeks probably.

  I can't wait to go back. I had planned on Wednesday, but I have a doctor's appointment in Akron at 1:00 and a meeting earlier in the morning at 9:00 so now I have to rethink my workout schedule.

  But anyway, I just have to figure a way to afford a yearly membership because I like it a lot lot better that Curves and I really don't see me going back to Curves if I can afford the yearly membership at the rec center and I can have all this other equipment to work with and a pool and walking track at the gym/rec center.  Also, my family can swim with me and do things at the rec center and they can't at Curves. Speaking of Curves, the assistant manager called me this afternoon and told me they'd gotten the fax from my doctor and confirmed that my membership was now on hold till the end of May when I've recuperated from my surgeries, so that's taken care of.

  So, I'm happy! :)

HELEN:

  I got on the scales very nervously today after that long walk last night hoping against hope that there was no water gain.  Thank you JESUS!  The number was actually down a little.  WHEW! So if I don't see a gain tomorrow (as in the past it sometimes took till the second day to show up) I'll know the compression worked.

  My heel cords are SO sore! Not as bad as last night though, thankfully.  When I'd gotten done online and logged off and stood up to go to bed I could hardly walk at first because my heel cords were SOO sore and stiff.  But I am not going to let it hinder me. Now I just need to download some new podcasts and put some new music on my PDA to listen to while I walk.

Say a few prayers that there's no water gain tomorrow! I SO want to be in the clear with this and be able to use walking as a workout!

  Actually, last night I realized halfway into my walk that I was supposed to be at a Creative Memories Scrapbook workshop at that very minute and totally forgot :( I was really looking forward to going to.  My husband Greg had a rough day at dialysis and came home really cranky and it got me distracted and all I could think about was getting out of the house before I got cranky too. Sorry to my friends who invited me, I really wanted to come!

  But hallelujah for no water gain yet :)

HELEN:

   I took a chance today and walked 5 miles outside, my usual route with Curves being my halfway point. Nearly every time I do that I have a big water weight gain! But this time I wore my abdominal binder that I had to wear after my gastric bypass surgery and I also took ace bandages and wrapped them somewhat snuggly around my calves, paying careful attention to the left one (which is what fills up with water so badly).  I'm hoping that kept me from having the water weight gain. If I don't see a gain by Monday, I'll be in the clear I think. I pray I don't. I burned 600 calories in just an hour and a half and I enjoyed it other than the fact that I left way too late and got home way after dark and walked alone (not wise even in a little town) so it was pitch dark for about 25 minutes of my walk.  I definitely have to walk way earlier next time.

  If the binding myself up works, I'll have my doctor write me a prescription for Jobst compression stockings and have a pair ordered to fit me so I won't have to mess with the ace bandages.  If it doesn't work I'll know not to bother.
  One non-scale victory I got out of it though, is that the abdominal binder was way WAY too big now! It really shows me just how far I've come from the gastric bypass surgery going on 7 years ago. No way could I have hooked it by the velcro closure that's made into it. I had to wrap it around myself nearly twice and hook it with safety pins.  If that works, I'll have to cut a big section of it off and sew it back up and then I can get more use out of it.  I did the abdominal part because my nurse practitioner told me she thought the water weight in my leg was from intra-abdominal pressure from the weight of my abdomen keeping the water from circulating back up my legs after going down into them when I have prolonged walking. I did some research online today and found a few medical journal articles that suggested binding might help. I hope when I have the abdominoplasty done and I've recuperated this Spring that I won't have to bother with the binding anymore (assuming I got through this without a significant water gain this time)
  Say a prayer that the scale is kind to me this next few days! Lord knows I earned it today! :)

KELLEY:

January 10
We had some pretty bad storms that came through here this afternoon.  A tornado touched down several times in the town of Caledonia, MS, about 15 miles away.   It did some pretty heavy damage to the school and the football field.  The kids were all still in school but had taken cover and thanks be to God no one was injured.   A school bus even ended up on the roof and the parking lot looked like a bomb had gone off.
Times like these make you count your blessings.  Blessing can relate to health and weight as well.   Yes, I am overweight and still classified as obese by the BMI scale but I still have blessings to count health related.  I have never been hospitalized and the only surgery I have had is right ACL reconstruction, which isn't major.   At the time you couldn't tell me that because of the long rehab and recovery. For the first 2 or 3 weeks I am sure my mother feel it was major with all the extra work I caused by not being able to do things for myself.   I am a type 2 diabetic but even that has an upside as I am on oral medications instead of insulin.
With the weight loss I have accomplished of 41 pounds, I have made great strides in several areas. My A1C, which is your average blood sugar for a 3 month period, is running normal just like someone WITHOUT the disease.   That was 3 months ago when I went to my endocrinologist.  They are running in the lower range of normal now as my two medications Januvia and Glucophage do not cause low blood sugars but I have had several episodes of low blood sugars after exercise and at night before bed.   That tells me that my body is processing the glucose better and that along with the meds is causing a low.  That is one of my major goals for 2008 get off the meds!   You can not imagine how happy I will be when that day comes.
My cholesterol and triglycerides have to be lower than the average person's because of the diabetes.   Diabetics don't die from the diabetes but from heart disease and stroke.  My cholesterol was 136 and my triglycerides 142 when taken at our work health fair the beginning of December.   My blood pressure averages 90 over 60, but I do take medication for that also. What a wonderful day it will be to throw all my medicines out the window and that day will come as long as I keep making the right decisions for myself diet and health wise as I work to reach my ultimate weight loss goal.
I received this in my email today and think it is very appropriate for this topic:
Everything is Possible if you Believe
There are no real barriers to your success.  You must simply overcome any doubts you have about your ability.  Your self image prescribes the limits for your accomplishments.  It prescribes the area of what is possible with you.
Don't be afraid of living.  Believe that life is worth living and you will create that fact around you.   If you see yourself prosperous, you will be.  If you see yourself as broke, that is exactly what you will be.
You will never succeed until you believe you can succeed.
As a caveat, belief is not everything as you have to take actions to make your dreams come true.  I am doing that, taking action.  Some coworkers would probably call me obsessive / compulsive for always being careful about what I eat and not partaking of companywide meals BUT I am taking that action and doing what is best for me to improve my health and future

HELEN:

   I love walking and when I walk to Curves and back (my five-mile walk when I walk it) and listen to my playlist I put together for walking, I feel so pumped and energized and the last time I walked it, when I got home I wasn't anywhere near as tired and my feet weren't nearly as sore like they were last Spring when I started walking that far.  BUT it seems like every time I walk it and then come home and sit down for a while, the next morning I get on the scale and instead of seeing a nice loss from all the walking I have a huge gain that takes a week or two to come back off. Sometimes it lets me see the loss the next day and then the day after that it's a huge gain, but there's always a major water gain.
  I wish I knew what to do about it; how to prevent it from happening, because I'd walk that nearly every day to get the weight down fast for my surgery if I didn't have the big water weight issue.  I really wouldn't even mind it all that much if it was gone in 2-3 days, but it seems to be a pattern with me that it takes between a week and two weeks to come off. By that time I've gotten discouraged and my motivation level plummets.
  If anyone has any ideas on how to correct this, I'm sure open for it!
  The only explanation I can come up with is what my nurse practitioner explained about my large abdominal weight causing circulatory problems with the water going down into my legs and when it's supposed to circulate back up again it's trapped in my leg from the weight of my abdomen (it's always my left leg).  Maybe when I walk so far on the sidewalks and roads, it's putting extra pressure on my circulatory system or something? I don't know. I can't think of any other explanation.
  It doesn't seem to happen when I walk on my treadmill (which has a little bounce to it when you walk).  Who knows? :( But it sure is frustrating!

  It definitely gives me extra ambition to have that abdominoplasty done in April if the abdominal weight IS the culprit here!

HELEN:

   Ok, I am a unique person in that I've lost a lot of weight with gastric bypass surgery AND have lost about 100 pounds without it since then with 6 years in between. So I have been in both sets of shoes.

  I'm just getting SO tired of hearing weight loss surgery made fun of and put down and ridiculed by people who are dieting and exercising and I really think they are uninformed and are just overly zealous in their own weight loss efforts and find it easy to belittle such a serious matter. 

  Heck, I LOVE The Biggest Loser and watch it faithfully, but I've even heard it on there and it strikes a nerve every time I hear it.

  Most people who have had the weight loss surgery know it's not a magic bullet and for anyone who has not had it done themselves, I can stand on the rooftops and scream for those of us who have had it done that it is NOT the "easy way out" and it's NOT "a quick fix" by any means nor a "silver bullet". I've had a LOT of people come to me for advice about whether to have it done or not and I always tell them the same thing I'm going to say here.  There are people ,like I was before I had mine done, who I recommend it to who have serious health issues whose health is at a point where it's a higher risk for them to stay the weight they are than to have the surgery done.  If the person asking me for the advice is in that position, I tell them to research it, find out all they can about the surgeons they're considering doing it and make sure in their case the benefits will be greater than the risk. BUT that if they are in a position that the feel their desire to have the surgery is mostly cosmetic or if they think it's a fast easy way to lose weight (because there's nothing farther from the truth) then they should try to do it on their own through diet and exercise.

  Most people I know who have had it done are doing it because their health is at a very very dangerous place and their self esteem and family issues are suffering greatly on top of being in very very poor health.

  I know it's easy for those of you who have not had it done to assume that those who have had it done are doing it for "a quick fix", but that's just not true for most weight loss surgery patients.  I share this here as a friendly reminder about assuming things you don't know about first hand and a bit of an educational tidbit from someone with experience. 

The risks of gastric bypass surgery are HUGE (no pun intended) and there are some people who have died in surgery.  The recovery period is long and VERY difficult.  How is a surgery (elective though it may be in many cases) that you know going into can take your life and a surgery from which has a very painful and difficult recovery time EVER a "silver bullet"?

  In many cases, like mine, there are enormous health issues in which if you don't lose weight quickly somehow you might die from those health issues and the risk of staying the size you are is greater than the risk you face from the surgery. 

  In my case, I had a hole in my heart (patent foramen ovale...PFO) which caused me to have a stroke.  Doctors wanted to operate to patch the hole and put a stent in to close it up but I was at a weight where I was too high a risk to have the heart surgery. I needed to do something to get the weight off to have the heart surgery and after MUCH research and MUCH discussion with post-op patients and knowing exactly what I was risking and the fact that we ALL KNOW you can regain, I decided to have it done.  Thankfully, after I lost 157 pounds I had another test (a TEE...trans esophageal echo) on my heart they could no longer find the hole.  Cardiologists said that the hole closed on its own when the weight came off.  I had another one done after I gave birth to my son and still doctors said I was no longer in need of the surgery. The hole was closed.

  I did regain some of the weight after I had my son, which I have since lost again plus more with good old fashioned diet and exercise, so I'm coming from this from both a gastric bypass patient viewpoint AND the viewpoint of someone who has lost just under 100 pounds on my own over 5 years AFTER the surgery time frame.  Every patient who has the surgery done knows the risks and knows they can regain and only goes into it after heart-wrenching soul searching and for anyone be it an average dieter, trainer, or coach to be so flippant about it is VERY offensive and insulting after all a gastric bypass patient has been through.

  It's FAR from a magic bullet and FAR from "the easy way out".  It took me three long months to recover from that surgery.  I have no regrets though. It saved my life in more ways than one and it allowed me to conceive my beautiful, sweet little boy and I'd recommend it to ANYONE who has serious life-threatening health problems who stands a greater risk of staying at a very heavy weight than having the surgery.

  One more thing to keep in mind.... people who start out at a weight most of us do when we have the surgery are in no shape to work out hard until they've lost a lot of weight first, and need that extra help that the surgery can give them to get them down to a low enough weight (though still quite heavy by society's standards) to be ABLE to work out to get more off.  When you're THAT overweight, you need a helping hand to feel good about yourself and confident enough to have the drive to really try hard to drop the weight.  Not everyone has supportive people in their lives who will stand by them every day and help them succeed, not everyone has a personal trainer or can be on The Biggest Loser to be reminded that yes, they CAN do it. Sometimes surgery CAN be the best place to START.  Not that the surgery will GET you to your goal, but in extreme cases it's the jump start that can get you feeling confident enough to pick up where the surgery left off and realize that you CAN get to your goals.

  I can work out VERY hard for someone still in the 200 pound range now and often I can out-exercise people much smaller than I am.  That would not have been the case had I not had the help the surgery gave me.

  So I ask kindly and in a polite, non-threatening way to PLEASE stop thinking of weight loss surgeries as something someone who is too weak to try to diet on their own decides to do and as something that  we see as a quick fix because there is nothing farther from the truth.

  Thanks...getting off my soap box now.

Respectfully,

Helen

January 9
KELLEY:

Today was a pretty good day!  I spent over 5 hours at work sitting watching them work on my computer.   A database was having issues and it took some time to fix. Without computers in this day and age we would be lost.  So needless to say my day wasn't very productive at work but overall a good day.
I bought a top from Mariska Hargitay's site the first of last month.  She plays Detective Olivia Benson on Law and Order SVU.   She has a great website and has created The Joyful Heart Foundation for survivors of sexual abuse and molestation.  The tops are handmade and the sizes up to XL are fitted but website says sizes run small.   You can order plus sizes but they are looser fitting.  I got into an XL (16-18) several months ago but said I would order the XL anyway and if it was too small I am losing weight so it would fit later.  Well it arrived too tight so I hung it in the closet.  For Christmas I received a pair of Capri pants with purple in them that matches the top.  I had nothing other than neutral colors in my closet I could wear with the pants because of no matching top.  I wanted to wear the pants so thought what the heck I will try the blouse on since I did lose 13 inches in December at Curves and voila it fit!   Made me feel on Cloud 9 and I got several compliments on it!
It is the little things like this that really mean the most in terms of your weight loss journey.   The little things make you work that much harder toward the big things.
I came home and made Baked Doritos casserole and got rave reviews from my family.  It is 6 Weight Watcher points per serving and is served over shredded lettuce.  I am going to include the recipe here in case anyone wants to try it.
Baked Doritos Casserole
Servings 8
Points: 6
1 pound 90% lean ground beef (can substitute turkey)
½ pound Light Velveeta shredded
2 tablespoons chili powder or taco seasoning
1 can 98% fat free cream of chicken soup
1 can Rotel tomatoes
6 ounces of Baked Doritos (flavor your choice)
Brown ground beef, then add taco seasoning or chili powder, cream of chicken soup, and Rotel tomatoes.   Crush Doritos and pour half in a 9 x 13 casserole dish sprayed with Pam, then add a layer of the meat mixture, then half the cheese, another layer of chips, then meat mixture and finish off with the cheese.   Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.  Serve over shredded lettuce.
I haven't posted any workouts this week but will be starting back full force in the next few days.   TOM I don't exercise as I have a tough time.  I will be going to Curves starting next week 4 times instead of 3.  My center isn't open on the weekends and I attend TOPS meetings on Thursday evenings after work so I am going to go the other days.   This weekend is supposed to be pretty so I am going to try to recruit my brother to go to the River Walk with me.  It is a secluded place with a trail winding through the woods so not safe to walk it alone.   Nothing has ever happened but can't be too careful.  I am also going to order or buy a speed jump rope to use doing Jillian's circuits.

KELLY:

January 8
Today has been a good day overall.  Two people at work, whose opinion I value, told me how proud they were of me being dedicated and losing the weight.   There was a company-wide lunch today and as always I chose not to partake and stayed with my preplanned healthier meal.
With my weigh in on Saturday at 223, I am 30.61 percent to my final goal.  I am taking it in baby steps though setting mini goals for myself.   The weigh in Saturday also took me to my lowest weight since October 17, 1998.  I have my weigh in book from Weight Watchers then and on that date I was 224. My next mini goal is to have lost 20 percent of my body weight which will be at 215.   Then 200 here I come!
I watched Biggest Loser Couples tonight and it sent so many thoughts through my mind about my weight loss journey.   As I said in the about myself section of this site my mom has said several times she feels responsible for my weight problem.  When I was a child I didn't know what good eating habits were but as I got older I knew better and I am responsible for everything that has gone into my mouth.   I am being responsible and taking control now and not letting myself be a puppet of my emotions or what other whim comes along and says eat that, a little won't hurt.   But those little licks, bits, and tastes not worked into your daily calorie allowance or points allowance add up and with them come the pounds and inches.
As I have said in my Weight Watcher meetings, weight loss is all in your head.  It is mental and as long as you have the right mental attitude you will be a success.   Willpower is not even a blip on the radar as it has no bearing on your success or failure.
A quote and an exercise really hit home with me.  Your best helping hand is the one at the end of your own arm (Swedish proverb).   Get out some of your favorite hand lotion.  Lovingly massage it into each finger and all over your hands as you read these words.  No food gets into my mouth that my hands have not put there.  Only an invalid or an infant is spoon fed, and I am neither.  I can stick my pointer finger in a can of frosting or use it to dial a friend or e-mail a relative.   I can use my thumb and finger to mindlessly eat potato chips or cookies, or I can use the pair to pick up a pen and write in a journal, compose a poem, or scrapbook.   I can put my two hands together to pick up a spoon and eat mindlessly from an ice cream container, or I can use them to tie up my shoe laces, open the front door, and head out for a walk.   When my two hands get together I can eat more than is appropriate, or I can use them to hold a book, work at the computer, knit, crochet, paint, etc.  When I use the power in my hands, I can clap, cheer, and congratulate myself on making the most of my own power.   Trace your hand onto a piece of paper and write the words – I've got the power in my hands to control what goes in my mouth!  And post it where you can see it often.   Well, Hip Hip Hooray!  Just like the old Power Rangers on kids' afternoon TV, we've got the power the mighty power right in our very own hands!
130 will get here!  It isn't a matter of if that goal will be reached BUT when I reach it!   I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished and I will continue to give the gift to myself of losing weight and getting healthy.

Helen:

  I had my appointment with my surgeon today who is going to be doing the hernia repair soon. He'd wanted me to have lost some weight by today's appointment, but I had a maintain from my appointment a few weeks before Christmas.  I'd done really well up till a few days before Christmas and then till a few days after Christmas when I got back on track, so I had a small gain that I've gotten back off now, so today showed a maintain.

  But he went over the results of my CAT scan and lab work, etc. and we talked about the surgery.  He'd heard back from the plastic surgeon who will be doing my abdominoplasty and he said they could do the surgery anytime, it was just up to me.  He said we could wait a few months for me to get some more weight off because if I did, I'd have better results from the abdominoplasty, so I agreed.  They're going to try to schedule the surgeries for the first week in April so it would be after my little boy's birthday at the end of March.  It'll also give me some time to figure out how to arrange someone to watch my son on the days my husband is having dialysis.

  He told me once again not to lift anything till after I recouperate from the surgery. I asked him how much was too much and he said nothing over 10 pounds.  Ugh.  He'd really like me to lose another 38 pounds before then, so I'm going to be working really hard between now and then to get as low in weight as realistically possible.

  He told me the results of the CAT scan showed that there was indeed some intestine caught in the hernia and he explained how he would be doing the surgery.  He said his part of the surgery should go smoothly since I'm only 44 (that was nice to hear..only lol).  I asked him how much of my abdominal apron they'd be removing and he said it was up to my plastic surgeon, but even just his part with the hernia repair would tighten me up considerably.  So now I just wait to hear back from his office for a surgery date once they coordinate with the plastic surgeon's office. So now I just have to hope and pray that my insurance covers the abdominoplasty since the surgeons feel it's a medical necessity.  Now I just wait to hear the date and work really hard at losing weight in the meantime.

  When I came home, I changed clothes and went to Curves.  I hadn't been there since the month before when the surgeon first told me not to lift anything heavy.  I wanted to see if there was enough I could do there without taking a medical leave from there till after the surgery.  I worked out for 30 minutes by just jogging on the recovery pads, using the stepper and one other machine that didn't require lifting and it was enough to get my heart rate into the fat burning zone, but I think it's a waste of money till I can go back and use all the machines again, so I've decided to take the medical leave from Curves and they wont take my payment out of my bank draft till the leave is up.  Then I can use the money I'd normally be paying to Curves and work out a few times a week at the rec center in the town next to ours where I can swim and use the cardio equipment.

  When I came home from Curves, I took our dog for a walk for about 30 minutes while we have a warm spell before it gets really cold out again, so I have an hour's workout in already today and I plan to work out with a DVD later tonight.

   Wish me luck or better yet, say a few prayers for me if you will :)