Helen and Kelley Joining Forces Across the Miles for Better Health: Helen's Blog Journal

Back online and doing well post-op

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 17:15:39 GMT

HELEN:

Whew...what a long two weeks :) Surgery was two weeks ago today and I'm back to feeling like myself again at least mentally. That first week I was in a fog with the pain meds and all. I was pretty uncomfortable sleeping half sitting up and feeling loopy most of the time. But I got my staples and drains out the day before yesterday and I'm feeling much much better and able to sit straight up long enough to post and email.

I counted 128 staples from hip to hip and I had 3 drains in that I had to empty and measure 3 times a day. I felt like I had bees stinging me all the time where the staples were, and I was always afraid I (or my little boy) would accidentally pull a drain out. Boy it feels so good to be rid of those!

Surgery went well. I was in surgery for four hours. I came out from under anesthesia faster than I feared I might. I'd guessed to come back to around 2:00 PM, but it was 12:30 when I woke up and looked at the clock. The doctors and nurses and staff were all great and I have no complaints (other than a security guard or maintenance worker giving my family who were waiting a hard time).

They removed 12 pounds during surgery and my plastic surgeon told me that I won't see the final result for another 8 weeks or so as there's a lot of swelling yet. But already I'm down a size. I had just gotten into a size 26 jeans at the end of the year and I got into a size 24 the other day when I came home after having the drains pulled out. They are snug, but they came on and zipped and that's overtop the abdominal binder I have to wear for a while yet.

The first few days I could only eat ice chips and that was fine by me as I was only thirsty anyway (they say from the anesthesia) and then I advanced to gelatin and popsicles (which it turned out was sugar free...nasty stuff and sugar substitutes don't agree with me). But after I came home I slowly advanced to a normal diet. The ladies from my Women's Bible Study group organized a group to bring us dinner every other day. That's been SO helpful and so appreciated. Everything has been wonderful (though so far every one of them has brought chicken lol), but I'm truly thankful and grateful for their generosity and it's made even chicken every day taste nice :) I'm blessed to have such a great group of ladies looking after us.

Right now my restrictions are no lifting more than 5-10 pounds for another 5-6 weeks and the only exercise I'm allowed is walking. The pain has subsided a great deal and I'm really shocked at how much easier the recovery is than what I'd read about and anticpated. The only real pain I have now is when I bend over or cough or move just right. It feels tight where the horizontal incision is (from hip to hip) (there's a vertical incision from the hernia repair that's healing nicely) but that's improving too. At one point it felt like I had a belt on that someone was pulling as tightly as they could while a hundred bees were stinging me :) But now the stinging is gone and it just feels a little snug. As the swelling goes down, I'm sure that will subside.

My hernia repair surgeon (the bariatric surgeon) said he tightened me up a lot in the upper abdomen before he put the mesh in, and I'm thrilled that that top roll of fat is way way down now and of course the lower fat roll is gone. So I have one roll now instead of two, but if I get back to working out again once I'm able, and back on track with my eating, I can work that off.

Some of my tops are too big now (I didn't expect that..just pants) and the others fit much better and lay nicely already. I'm better proportioned already now. I used to be a size larger in pants than I was in tops, and now I'm the same size top and bottom. I'm looking forward to the final result and really happy with the results I already see. No regrets :)

I've spent a lot of time reading since it's been painful to sit upright to be online, so I've gone through about 4 books already. My favorite being "Dead Heat" by Joel Rosenberg (my favorite author). It's the last in his "The Last Jihad" series.

I hope you're all doing well and I've missed reading your progress :)

I watched the BL finale the night before my surgery. Congrats to Marcus and Amber on winning the Million Pounds Match Up! And of course to Ali for being the first female Biggest Loser! You all did SO well and really inspire me.

God bless,

Helen

Getting really nervous as surgery date draws nearer...

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 03:59:03 GMT

HELEN:

Spring is finally here! My family and I took a walk for the first time this year today and wow did it feel great to be outside with the sun shining and in the fresh air again. It sure seemed like the winter would never end!

It's odd. Up until this year, the winter time was always my best time to lose weight. For as long as I can remember I would do awesome at losing weight after the holidays and until summer. This year is the opposite and I think I'm becoming more like a normal person in that regard. Most people seem to lose weight best in warmer weather months. I've always been a little odd in being opposite :) I think I made the switch last year when I got fit enough to start riding my bike a lot, walking a lot more and getting a lot of outdoor exercise. So now this year I've been at this stand still this winter and have been completely freaking out about it in light of my surgery that's coming up in just 10 more days.

Anyway...I did not lose the weight my surgeon had wanted me to and it definitely was not for lack of trying , let me tell ya. So I find myself extremely nervous about it all... I feel like I let myself down, I feel like I let my surgeons down and have made their jobs more difficult but at the same time, I've tried so hard and worked out so hard so how much can I let myself beat up on myself about it, ya know?

In all honestly, this past week I have been off track with my eating, but the majority of the winter I've been on track and workout out like a crazy woman. One of my favorite aunts passed away last week. Her funeral was just the other day. I've been comfort eating to block the stress in all honesty and I'm trying hard to get a handle on it and undo any damage this 10 days as possible. So when I screw up, I will readily admit that. But my screw ups have been few this year and with all the working out I've done I should have dropped a ton of weight anyway, but here I am...stuck and looking at only 10 days till surgery and completely stresssed out about it.

All kinds of things are going through my mind. Will my surgeon really believe that I honestly have been trying hard to drop more weight before surgery or will he have the preconceived notion that I tossed any efforts to the wind? Will the lack of lost weight create problems for him during surgery? Will he get into the hernia repair and decide it best to not have the plastic surgeon go ahead with the panniculectomy? Will I be ok with anesthesia? Is my current weight acceptable for a successful surgery for both the hernia repair and the panniculectomy? What if something goes wrong...my husband and son need me... yada yada. I lay awake at night worrying about all of this the closer the surgery date gets.

But any rate....

I'm going to try to devote this next ten days to eating as sensibly as I can and working out as hard as I possibly can and try to get as healthy in this short amount of time as I can. Not really all that unlike what I have been doing anyway (apart from last week) but I guess you never know when my body may decide to cooperate finally and let me drop some weight before surgery. I'm up a few pounds as a result of my botched week last week and I want to try to undo the damage of any regain before surgery.

The beautiful day and the walk out in it gave me a little boost of motivation, so I hope the nice weather holds out a while.

I'll try to post a few more times before my surgery date but after that of course, it will be a week or two probably till I get back online.

I have one appointment with the plastic surgeon a few days before surgery and I'm really glad about that so that I can express my concerns and fears to him and get his input. The surgeon who is doing the hernia repair is a bariatric surgeon and is the one who was the most concerned about my trying to get more weight off before having the panniculectomy part, which the plastic surgeon will be handling. So perhaps talking to the plastic surgeon before surgery will help me to sort out my fears and concerns. My thinking is that if the plastic surgeon had many concerns about my current weight, he would have expressed it to me during my consultation with him, but he didn't. I've seen pictures online of people bigger than me who had the panniculectomy. I understand my bariatric surgeon's concerns too though... sigh...I'm just confused and really stressed...

Ugh. What a mess my emotions are lately :)

Pre-Op Testing today, last night's show, etc.

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 21:29:26 GMT

HELEN:

My appointment for pre-op testing went well today. I had some blood drawn, blood pressure taken (it was normal and perfect), urine collected, answered a ton of questions and then saw a doctor for an exam and answered a ton of questions for him. Then he listened to my heart and lungs and examined my abdomen where the hernia is. When he looked at the huge hump where the hernia is, when I was laying on my back, he said "oh yes...that's a big big hernia alright". Ugh.
But it sounds like everything was as it should be from what I could tell. Oh, and they had me get on the lovely scale and I was fully dressed with shoes on and so my weight was up way more than I expected but I'm hoping it's all the clothes and shoes as I usually weigh in naked.
Before my pre-op testing, I had an appointment with my counselor (in the same building). She works with the psychologist who works with the bariatric team and my surgeon and nutritionist. Her official title is Post-Doctoral Health Psychology Fellow, so she's like a step away from being a full psychologist. But because she's working on accreditation, her services are free to me and that's really helpful with all we have going on.
That appointment went really well. I really like her. She thinks I'm being too hard on myself and need to cut myself some slack. Easier said than done, as we all know, but I'm sure she's right. I hear that a lot from friends. But she wants to bring me up in their next team meeting and go over what the others think (the bariatric team that includes my surgeon, nutritionist, her boss the main psychologist, etc.) as she thinks I'm doing everything I could possibly be doing (all but last week when I comfort ate when my aunt died) and my weight loss has stopped. She's thinking the stress I've been under is at the bottom of things and wants to see their thoughts about it. We'll see what they come up with...
I'm going to try to just watch my point intake the next few weeks and concentrate my workouts on mainly swimming to work on improving my lung capacity before surgery time. The weather is beautiful here today and I'm tempted to get out on my bike for the first time this year too.

Can you believe there's only one more episode of BL before the finale? Wow, this season went by fast!! I really thought Roger would be going home as it seemed it was his time to hit a plateau, but I was surprised when it was down to the two brothers. I'm liking Mark a lot more than I used to and am glad to see he's a good guy after all. Mostly, I'm glad the girls are both still there. I really hope Kelly makes it as a finalist. I like her. Ali has done an amazing job too, but I can relate to Kelly a lot more. Sidney was beautiful and how cool is it that they did a triathlon? :) I think the running is what would do me in. Maybe once the panniculectomy is done that would change, but that's not an easy thing for them to do and I applaud them all for completing it! Also, how very cool was it that Mark waited for Ali to catch up with him and finish together? :)

Foot injury

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 06:13:46 GMT

HELEN:

I worked out hard at the rec center (turns out too hard...sigh..) on Monday and
burned 1000 calories, got lots and lots of water in and my food was right
where it should be, so that was all good.
However, at the end of my workout my foot started hurting a little. By the
time I changed and was walking out of the locker room I was hobbling a
little. Then I had to run some errands before going home and got in the car
and drove home (about 20 minutes). I went to get out of the car and could
hardly walk. I barely got in the house. My husband had to get my gym bag from the
car for me and close the garage door. My foot started throbbing worse and I
was in agony for a few hours till I took a pain pill that was left over from
my kidney stone surgery a few years ago.
I haven't had a pain in my foot this bad since I was at my highest weight
and had tendinitis in the heel cord.

I had my husband take me to have my foot x-rayed last night. It was
feeling better, but I wanted to make sure there was no stress fracture or
anything so I'd know if I could keep working out or not. I didn't want to
give myself an excuse to not work out if it wasn't something serious, but I
wanted to make sure I wasn't supposed to work out if I was tempted to do
so as well. No fracture, thank God :) It's a mild sprain along with plantars
fasciitis and heel spurs. So I'm supposed to rest it a while and then
exercise when I'm able to tolerate. It's a lot better today and I'm not
taking any more pain medication. It's just a little sore and it's burning
when I walk on it at this point.

We're still here :)

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 04:42:02 GMT

HELEN:

Hi everyone :) Things have really slowed down in the community on here. I suspect those involved in the Biggest Pounds Match Up challenge have been thinking the same thing Kelley and I have. Is it ok to post between the time the contest is over and the winners are announced or were we supposed to hold off blogging after the cut off date?

Kelley and I are still working at this and we're both battling with stuck scales. I logged some major hours at the gym at the beginning of the week and after a 3 1/2 hour workout on Monday, my scale showed me down two pounds the next morning. Then on Tuesday I worked out hard at home and on Wednesday the scale showed me up a pound. It brought me down and frustrated me and it got the better of my motivation level once again. So...I've decided to try to avoid the scale for a while till closer time for my surgery in just 24 more days because I'm letting the numbers on the scale have way too much control over my motivation level.

I've never hit a plateau that's lasted this long and I have to find a way to beat it or at least maintain until my body decides to let me lose weight again. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, if anything. Until I comfort eat out of sheer frustration that is, but at least I'm not letting myself stay down once I'm down like I used to, so that has to be progress I guess.

Anyway...my plan at this point is to work out hard, pre-plan my meals and keep my calories between 1400 - 1700 calorise, get lots of water in, enough sleep and TRY to watch my stress level (which will be the most difficult part), avoid the scales and hope for the best. Clearly I'm not going to be down in weight as far as my surgeon had wanted me to be for my surgeries, but the surgery is going to happen regardless. So all I can do at this point is stop feeling sorry for myself, charge head first into doing my best between now and April 16th (and after I recouperate of course) and just pray for the best.

I hope you're all doing well this week!

By the way...please keep my family in your prayers if you will. My aunt is in the hospital in very bad shape and her doctors are not optimistic that she'll pull through. She has Lewbody dementia and she just suffered a heart attack and has pneumonia on top of it all. She's been in the hospital for about a week now and I just found out today that on top of it all, she now has MRSA staph infection. Her lungs are filling up with water and they drained 2 quarts of water from them today, but doctors think they'll just fill back up again and that it's just a matter of time. I love my aunt dearly and I don't want her to suffer, but I don't want to loser her at the same time. Also, I'm super worried that my mom (her sister) will take it really hard and so I'm really worried about my mom as well.

Oh...and someone pointed out to me that Kelley and I are one of the MSN hot spots of the week this week. That's really blown me away and has me curious what it means at the same time. How is a hot spot chosen? It did give my spirits a much-needed lift today.

God bless,

Helen

Hey there skinny minny

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 17:03:19 GMT

HELEN:
I forgot to add something to my last post.
Last Sunday night my family and I visited our old church. Afterwards we were standing in the foyer talking to some friends and people kept approaching me to remark about my weight loss. One lady came to me and said "Hey there skinny minny, wow look at you!" I had been talking with her husband and he agreed that I was doing really well with my weight loss. He asked me how much more weight I wanted to lose. I said about in the long run about 120 pounds. He said "No...you wouldn't possibly look good with that much more off, would you?" I said "well that would put me at a 'normal' weight according to doctors, yeah." Actually it's about 10 pounds over the upper limits of normal on doctors' charts.
I'd just seen these people about a month ago and only one person had said anything that day. But Sunday night there were...I'd guess 5 or 6 people apart from this couple I just mentioned who approached me. So I'm guessing even though the number on the scale has stalled, my body must be reshaping or something and adjusting to what I've already lost or something. I'm a little baffled about it :) The man I mentioned I'd been speaking to works with the health care field and when he was talking to me about it, his demeanor was serious and not at all like he was just trying to make me feel good. He seemed concerned I'd still want to lose 120 pounds yet. But honestly, I think people don't realize I weigh as much as I do as I've always carried my weight pretty solidly.
Anyway...it felt good to have a handful of non-scale victories like that :)

Digging my way out of the snow / tonight's show

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 16:05:03 GMT

HELEN:

Whew...I'v been crazy busy the past few days shoveling us out of the snow drifts from the blizzard that hit our area last weekend. I shoveled so much snow on Saturday I'm STILL sore from it. At first I couldn't find my hat and the wind was howling and the snow was the icy kind of snow. I had ice building up all over my hair and my husband took a picture of me when I was coming in the door and I look like the beginnings of a snow woman :) My scale is still being stubborn and staying where it was the last time I posted here even after all those calories I had to have burned shoveling snow. But I'm not about to give up. It has to break sometime and my body has to start deciding it's ok to let me get smaller. Sooner or later....please let it be sooner! :) I'm really looking forward to tonight's show and I hope I'm able to actually watch it this time! :) Week before last the debate between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton took the show off and then last week our power went out due to the ice storm and I missed the last half of the show. So I really hope I'm able to break the cycle and can watch the whole show tonight! :) I'm keeping my fingers crossed lol

It'll really be interesting to see which of the kicked-off contestants makes it back on the show. I'm kind of pulling for Jen, but not really sure. A lot of them deserve to come back. I think if I had made it through this far without being eliminated and had one of them come back, I wouldn't be too happy about it (unless it was my partner who came to the show with me). I'm eager to see how it develops, but I'm more eager to see how much progress they've all made since being off the show. Have a great day everyone!!

Helen

Last night's show - Power Outage! (and 'pride' issues)

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 21:52:10 GMT

HELEN:

Ok, so last week I didn't get to see the Biggest Loser because I'm in the Cleveland/Akron viewing area and the debate between Clinton and Obama took the show off. But I did get to see it on Saturday night when they rebroadcast it.

Then LAST night at 8:50 (just under halfway through the show) our power went out due to an ice storm and stayed out till 10:30, so I missed over half the show. I got to see it until Kelly was about to go across the ravine during the challenge. Then I had to run around the house in the dark feeling around for our oil lamps, matches and candles and trying to keep the dog and my son happy while my husband snoozed in the chair.
Good grief :) My luck at catching the show the past few weeks hasn't been so great :)
But about last week's show, I'm so proud of all the progress they've all done. I just hope that Dan learns to keep his cockiness under control a little better. It reminds me of the verse in the Bible in 1 Corinthians that says "Let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall". Confidence is a great thing, but you have to keep it in check after all! Also, it says "Pride comes before the fall".
I'm really glad the contestants are feeling SO much better about themselves and they certainly have earned it. But you can't let it turn to cockiness and think you are above going home even if you are on a team of big guys who pull big numbers. I love Bob, but I have to admit, this year I'm pulling for the ones who were the black team before they went to no teams :)
Go underdogs! :)

Helen

Progress at Long Last!!

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 21:36:58 GMT

HELEN:

I'm almost afraid to post this for fear it will jinx things, but I'm excited and haven't been rejoicing about my weight issues lately, so what the heck :)

The scale shocked the daylights out of me today! Ok, well not literally, but you get the idea. My eating (other than yesterday which was really good) has been way off track the past several days and I decided to get on the scale today. I completely expected a gain. I'd actually seen 290 on Sunday...ouch!

So as you all know from my continual griping about this blasted plateau, 288 was the number I've been staring at for the past couple of MONTHS now. I was SO afraid this morning would show me at 292 or something horrible. But it was 287, so I'm actually down a pound.

I guess it does go to show that I really wasn't eating enough calories like everyone thought. Now I'm thinking those several days of bad eating may have been just what I needed to straighten my metabolism out.

I'm not holding my breath, but I'm hopeful it will keep going down :) (Though my eating is on track again though)

I also added Slim Fast to my meal plans this past few days after all (like every other day drink a shake for two of my three meals and the day in between only for one of the meals) as well as starting to take a supplement of Cayenne Fruit that my cousin has been raving about. It's supposed to support healthy metabolism and it's basically just cayenne pepper in capsule form so it doesn't upset your stomach or set your mouth on fire :) You take it with your meals and it's supposed to help your metabolism. I found the original version of Slim Fast at Walmart a few days ago and bought some since I could actually find it without sucralose (Splenda) or aspartame (Nutrasweet) in it after all. I noticed when reading the can that it's high in potassium which is what I REALLY need more of too. I got the Cayenne Fruit supplements at Walmart too.

I did go to the gym this morning and worked out, but my workout was cut short by a phone call from my husband's insurance company in need of yet more information from me. Ugh. So I left and took care of that then went shopping and got my son and niece's Easter baskets and goodies for them. He had a snow day (more like ice day) today and was home from school.

So far today my eating has been right on track too.

So anyone who is tempted to drop their calories too low (less than 1400-1500 or so) learn from my mistake and the TWO MONTH PLATEAU I landed on and don't do it! :)

I only got to see the first half (almost) of the Biggest Loser last night till our power went out, but it struck me what Bernie said at one point when he said "If you don't eat enough... you could go home, if you eat too much... you could go home." It really is a delicate balance at times and I think even more so when you've already lost a lot of weight and your body is in standby mode before it lets you start dropping again. You have to be even MORE careful then. So please please! do NOT drop your calories too low! :) If my mistake (regardless of how ambitious it was) can help people here learn to make sure to eat ENOUGH, then in the long run it will cushion the blow that plateau gave me and show some kind of good from it :)

Please say a few prayers that the scale keeps going down now that it's moving again in the right direction! That's another thing I've been doing more of. Praying for myself. I tend to pray for everyone else and and everything else and not for myself enough, so I know that's helped a lot too :)

Helen

I missed the Biggest Loser tonight thanks to political TV, darn it :(

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 08:19:57 GMT

HELEN:

Dang it. I was expecting to watch The Biggest Loser last night and when I looked for it, it wasn't on the guide. It had been taken off to cover the local coverage of the preparations for the big debate in Cleveland between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama (we're in the Cleveland/Akron viewing area). My husband said it was probably not on this week anywhere, but from the subject lines of the email I have sitting in my inbox from the Biggest Loser yahoo group I see that it WAS on, so it was just our viewing area that didn't have it on I guess :(
Darned political interruptions anyway...grrrr
Does anyone know if it's online to watch anywhere? That makes me so mad

A Snow Day in Ohio

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 08:15:43 GMT

HELEN:

Ugh. I'm SO tired and my little boy Evan has decided this is a good night to get up and play, so he's up running around all full of energy.It's going to be a long late night/early morning!

Today we got blasted with a winter storm, so Evan had a snow day from school, but my husband Greg still had to go to dialysis (not something they can just cancel...).

I'd give myself a C for the day. Got lots of water in, stayed within my points range (I think) but could have made healthier choices, and I did not work out. I was planning to go to the gym tomorrow, but can't now, unfortunately. Originally, Greg was going out of town to the doctor in his truck and I was going to go to the gym early with the car and get home in time to get Evan off the school van, but the heater went out in Greg's truck and I have to let him use the car to go to the doctor and it's too darned cold to drive to the gym without heat, but also without a way to keep the windshield from fogging up. The winter storm advisory ends here in a little over an hour and I'm hoping it's all done.

I ALMOST got a really good workout in by shoveling snow. The weirdest thing...when I WANTED to shovel snow to get exercise it didn't work out that way :) I had shoveled a little path for the dog to do his business and also shoveled the walk leading from the driveway to the front door. I had just started shoveling the driveway when a good Samaritan pulled up and motioned for me to get out of the way. It was a young man in a pickup truck with a snow plow on the front. I got out of the way and he took his time plowing our driveway thoroughly and the only conversation we had was when he rolled down his window and asked if our driveway was double wide or if it curved into a single width or not. He finished the job and I walked toward the truck expecting him to ask me to pay him something. Instead he waved at me and just left. I have no idea who this person was, but as much as I wanted the exercise, I'm seeing it as a God thing because I really shouldn't have been shoveling snow with this hernia anyway. I'm sure a shovelfull of snow weighs much more than the 10 pounds I'm restricted to lifting. It's really weird, because just two houses down there was an older man shoveling his driveway out too and the guy in the truck/plow never stopped to help him or ask if he wanted help, but he did me.

But really...it was odd. I didn't know the guy from Adam and he never asked if I wanted his help, he just did it and never asked for a dime. I really was not supposed to be shoveling snow anyway, so I'm seeing it as a God moment ;) I wasn't looking out for myself enough, so God did it for me lol

Doctor appointment yesterday and my new video diary

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 20:32:19 GMT

I had an appointment with my primary care doctor yesterday. I hadn't told him I was going to be having surgery in April and I wanted to go over it all with him to see if he had any concerns.

After I told him that the CAT scan shows my bowel was caught up in the hernia, he said he agreed it was a necessary surgery. Then I told him about the panniculectomy and he said he agreed that it would be a great idea. So then he called my surgeon in Akron and got them to fax a copy of my labs and tests and then came back in the office to me again. He said he was concerned about the EKG from the surgeon a few months ago and wanted to repeat it to see if there was any change, so he did that in the office. This time my EKG results were normal and fine. He showed me the EKG results form the surgeon's office and said it was almost like it was another persons and not mine because the EKG I had done brefore the surgeon ordered it was identical to yesterdays. The one from the surgeon had a few peaks on it (which he pointed out) and said it was a marker they looked for with people who had been on medication to control their heart rates, but that I was not on any medication that would do that. He said the only other explanation is that I had been sick or perhaps it was from all the exercise I'm doing. So now I'm wondering if they got my EKG results mixed up with someone elses of it maybe the infection I had in my tooth was working on me then and changed it . I don't know. I'm just glad it's fine now.

He did a Hemoglobin A1C test while I was there as well and the results of that were perfect. He said it couldn't be any better.

My lab work he reviewed showed my cholesterol is just fine too. He took my blood pressure and it was perfectly normal. He said he has absolutely no concerns about me having the surgery and scheduled me to see him again shortly after the surgery. The only thing I forgot to ask him about was the constant ringing in my ears. I can't believe I forgot to talk to him about that, but my mind was on the weight loss issues.

Oh, about that. I talked to him about all the efforts I've been putting into trying to lose weight before my surgery and told him all I'd been doing the past few months. He said he thinks I messed up my metabolism when the nutritionist had me on the 1000 calorie diet for that time and that he wanted me to keep doing what I am now and not change anything because it would just take a while to get the losses going again and I just had to wait it out.

Also, I got out my webcam last night and started keeping a video diary for our site. I was nervous and the lighting was bad, so hopefully I'll get the lighting and angle of the camera aligned better next time, but at least my intro is up now. Kelley is planning on doing one too so I'll get that up on the site when she sends it to me.

I'm really looking forward to tonight's show!

Still camping out on this looooong plateau and taking inventory

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 05:10:27 GMT

Helen:

So....after literally busting my behind at the gym last week and staying on track with my food and exercise I'm still camping out on the longest plateau in my weight loss history....sigh. I promise I really AM working SOOO hard on this! Ok, I did lost .4 (point four) pound last week from 288.4 to 288.0, but that was back up from Tuesday when I saw 287, so it's hard to be excited about an overall .4 loss for the week. But like last week, I'm down some inches again, so I guess I'm doing SOMETHING right.

Anyway...

I spent last night and today licking my wounds and taking inventory and trying to figure out what the heck is going on with my body and this stubborn LONG plateau I'm on and what my plan of attack is this time.
At first I was tempted to go back to the 1000 calorie (or slightly higher 1200) a day diet. But I sat down, thought about it all a lot and I realized that I did raise my calories last week and I did not have a gain. I'd think if my body didn't need the extra calories, it would have given me a gain instead of a near-maintain.
So this week I'm going to keep my calories/points high, use the WW points plan and do the Wendie plan (I just uploaded to the files section) which is basically alternating your days between higher and lower points with a much higher point day halfway through. Diana, the list owner of the FOWW (Friends of Weight Watchers) yahoo list asked me to try it with her and I figured I'd see if that helps, so that's my plan. It works out to pretty close to the calorie amount I gave myself last week once I work in activity points (part of the calories I burn through exercise). It's averages out to not going below 1550 calories and then it's like this: on low point days, I eat all my activity points, on high point days I earn four or more points I eat half of my activity points and on the super high day I eat no activity points, so the way I've been working out, it probably will get to close to 2000 calories on my heavy workout days and between 1550 and 1700 on the low point days, so it's still a lot higher calories than I'd been doing up till last week. The basic premise is the alternating low and high calorie days may kick your metabolism into revving up again.
It's one of the few things I haven't tried yet this time around, so what the heck...
(I tried it in 2005 and it didn't work, but I didn't have a plateau last this long then either).

Today I give myself a C day. Lots of water, but no workout and my eating was higher calories than normal because I was considering using today as my super high point day until I worked the Wendie plan's rhythm out and realized I have to have my super high point day on Wednesday so that I can have high point days on Monday, Wednesday and Friday (the days I work out hard at the gym) and the lower point days on the days in between when I work out a lot less at home. So today was a reflective day for the most part.
I'm planning tomorrow as a low point day and hit the gym early on Monday and have a high point day as we have to go to my hometown of (about an hour away) for me to see my primary care doctor to discuss my upcoming surgeries in April. I want to talk to him about this incessant ringing in my ears that's driving me nuts too, as well as the absess I had/have. I'm still running a low grade fever so he may change the antibiotic. I'm hoping the ringing in my ears is from that and will go away when the infection is gone, but who knows. I'm looking forward to that appointment. I REALLY love my primary care doctor and he doesn't know about my upcoming surgeries yet. I also want to talk to him about my EKG results the surgeon told me shows my heart rate was slightly on the low side and see if he has any concerns about it.

Never been so happy to have a root canal

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 09:08:39 GMT

I got in to the oral surgeon yesterday thanks to them having a cancellation. Ordinarily it wouldn't have been till April, so the Lord was definitely watching out for me :) I was so nervous going in that he would say I needed to have both the eye tooth and the tooth behind it pulled. Thankfully he recommended a root canal for the eye tooth to save it (whew!) so he did that all the way, taking 3 hours. I go back on April 10th to have the molar behind it pulled and the eye tooth temporary filling removed and a permanent one put in. That's only six days before my hernia repair and panniculectomy surgeries so I'm a little nervous about it being so close.

Hopefully the infection from the absess will be gone soon. This dentiset said I only have an absess on the eye tooth, and not the one behind it like the first dentist though, but the one behind it needs extracted as it's crooked and already loose anyway. So I'm still on the penicillin and working to get rid of the infection.

I skipped the gym yesterday as the root canal left me in a lot of pain, but I went today and did a full workout that I'd planned for yesterday. I burned 1200 calories according to my heart rate monitor. I walked for a mile, did the stationary bike for 30 minutes, 30 minutes on the rowing machine, 30 minutes on the eliptical and swam half a mile (I usually do a full mile, but had to get home to get my son off the school bus).

I upped my calories all week, worked out hard and am hoping for a good weigh in tomorrow (please oh please Lord).

I hope everyone here is having a great week!

Helen

Apology to my Blogging Buddies

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 20:45:59 GMT

Thanks so much for all the support and encouragement all of you have given who post comments to my blogs :) I apologize for not being more active in replying to comments and posting comments on others' blogs. My laptop is running SOOO slow and I've run numerous diagnostics and can't figure out why, and when I get on Live Spaces it takes forever for a page to load for some reason.

I'm starting to think it's my ISP because when I run a program offline it runs just fine, but anything internet related hogs a ton of memory or something and it takes so long to do anything on here, especially on Live Spaces. I'm guessing with all the activity on Live Spaces with the Biggest Loser Million Pounds Match Up going on that it's just overloaded or something.

Also, I'm a list owner of a yahoo support group for people who have at least 100 pounds to lose (or have at one time) called Challenged to Change and that takes a lot of my online time to moderate the list and do all the admin. stuff there as well as try to reply to everyone's posts. I'll try to do better here as we really need each other on this journey we're on! I'm really thankful for the Biggest Loser and the motivation it offers us all and for all of you here as well. I know I'm definitely going to be keeping this site going long past the time the Million Pounds Match Up is over.

I 'll try to do better :) I'd love to make some new friends here!

Hugs

Helen

Possible reasons for my plateau / dental issues and not eating enough!

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 20:10:51 GMT

I've had a killer toothache for a while now and have been running a low grade fever on and off for a few months (thinking it was just a stubborn virus). I finally got in to the dentist yesterday for an evalutation and they took two x-rays. Turns out I have two absessed teeth :( They gave me a prescription for Penicillin (which I started on last night) and I have an appointment tomorrow morning to see an oral surgeon for a full workup and see if I can have root canal therapy on those teeth or if I have to have them pulled and given a partial. I really expect to have one of them pulled and I'm hoping hoping that the one closest to the front can have the root canal.

But the worst part of it is that something has to be done asap or I can't have my hernia repair and panniculectomy surgeries that are scheduled in April as they won't operate when you have any kind of infection like that. To say I'm freaking out a little is to put it mildly :( But actually, I'm fortunate because when I first called the ora surgeon's office this morning, they told me they were scheduling in April now and that would have kept me from having my April surgeries for sure. I was upset on the phone after hearing that and the receptionist sighed and hesitantly flipped through the appointment book and said "wait...I have a cancellatoin tomorrow morning, can you come then?" So obviously I said yes.

A few friends of mine from my support groups suggested that perhaps this weight loss plateau has been persisting the past few months because my body is in defense mode while trying to fight off the infection. I wonder if that's possible?

Anyway...another issue is that after hearing from a few people on my support groups that have been successful at losing a lot of weight, I've come to realize that I haven't been eating enough calories, especially in light of the intense workouts I've been getting in. So this week I'm raising my calories while still working out hard at the gym and swimming and combining that with being on the Penicillin and getting dental attention tomorrow, maybe the scale will start budging again.

I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around eating more to lose weight, but I'm going to give it a try this week. I did a little research in first The Biggest Loser book and my Weight Watchers materials and they both line up to say I should be eating more calories than I am, so who am I to argue with their success? :)

I refuse to give up this time around though! I've been on program (most of the time) for over a year this time and have come way too far to give up now. Say some prayers for me if you will. Please??!! :)

Helen

Upping my calories (and nervous about it), combining BL with the WW points method that worked well last year

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 19:08:25 GMT

HELEN: Ok, I dug out my Biggest Loser book (the weight loss program one...I think the first book) and looked to see what it said about how many calories you should eat for weight loss. On page 30 it says this: In calculating calories for weight loss, some formulas can get pretty elaborate, requiring you to do a lot of math. Not ours. We have a simple formula for you, put together by The Biggest Loser doctors and nutritionists. Grab your calculator; here's the arithmetic: Your present weight x 7 = Your daily caloric needs for weight loss If you don't like doing math, the chart below gives you an idea of how many calories you need, depending on your current weight: 150: 1,050 160: 1,120 170: 1,190 180: 1,260 190: 1,330 200: 1,400 210: 1,470 220: 1,540 230: 1,610 240: 1,680 250: 1,750 260: 1,820 270: 1,890 280: 1,960 290: 2,030 300: 2,100 If you weigh more than 300 pounds, start by eating 2,100 calories a day. If you weigh less than 150 pounds, plan to eat around 1,050 calories a day. page 37: For every one pound of fat you lose, you decrease the number of calories you expend each day by about 10.That's roughly the number of calories that were required to keep that fat at body temperature, move it around, and support its metabolic needs. So when you shed 10 pounds of fat, you will be burning up about 100 fewer calories each day than you did when you weighed more. If you want to keep losing weight, you either have to eat fewer calories, exercise more or do both. Unless you readjust your calories or your exercise, you'll reach equilibrium, or you may even start to gain weight. And that's NOT an option! When it's time to reduce your calories, there are four easy, near automatic ways to do so. 1. Cut your calories from your optional 200 calorie budget, 2. Replace your whole grain servings with vegetables, 3. Choose lower calorie protein foods such as low-fat dairy, egg whites, and soy; 4. Reduce your fruit servings in favor of more vegetables. Just don't get discouraged! It's highly unlikely that your weight will climb on this plan because the Biggest Loser diet keeps your calories, carbs, and fat in check. (By the way, the Biggest Loser Diet is a 4-3-2-1 Pyramid of at least 4 servings of fruits and vegetables, 3 protein servings a day, 2 whole grain servings a day, and 200 extra calories and you add to or take away from each number of servings depending on your caloric needs. You just have to keep it all in balance) It doesn't factor in exercise into the calories-in formula -------------------------------- Ok, so if I compare that with Weight Watchers (which worked well winter through summer last year till I stalled in the fall), here's what WW says I should have for people my age, height, sex, and activity level (not including exercise) in the 280s weight range, eat 33 points a day (33 points x about 50 calories a point = 1650 adding in the 35 extra points a week they give you, the math is: 1650 calories a day x 7 days = 11,550 35 extra points per week = 35 x about 50 calories a point = 1750 calories a week 11,550 + 1,750 = 13,300 calories per week So I take 13,300 and divide it by 7 to give me 1900 calories a day So that's just to lose weight without factoring in exercise. Then you can use your activity points (at 1 point equaling 100 calories burnt) to either eat extra calories or not depending on how your body reacts to eating them or not eating them. So comparing the two plans, as I weigh 288: BL: 288 x 7 = 2,016 WW: about 1900 So basically, WW lines right up with the Biggest Loser plan (keeping in mind that one WW point is "about" 50 calories). And as BL doesn't have you adjust your calorie intake depending on your exercise output, and I didn't factor in WW's activity points (since BL didn't), the caloric intake is about the same. So in using the WW plan, I'd either choose to use ONLY my extra 35 points per week OR some of my activity points depending on how my body reacts to either way. But either way, my base calorie intake would be between 1900-2000. I guess I'm still having a tough time wrapping my mind around eating that much to lose weight, but WW worked last year when I was eating all my daily points, about 1/3 of my actiivty points and having some of my extra 35 towards a high point day on Saturdays. So I guess I'll go back to that and see how it goes. It does make sense in the long run as on Wednesday I ate about 1800 calories and burned 1000 calories at the gym that day, so I only had a total of 800 calorie intake overall for the day. So here's what I'm going to try: Eat all my daily points (about 1650 calories) + 1/2 my activity points every day through the week (which will vary depending on how many calories I've burned according to my heart rate monitor, but would be around 1900 to 2000 calorie intake total for the day I'd guess on average). Then about half my extra 35 points added to my daily points for a high point day on Saturday as that seemed to work well last winter and spring and summer till I started stalling in the fall. I'm going to try that effective tomorrow through Thursday and see how it goes...

Friday for Helen

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 19:03:17 GMT

HELEN: Friday for Helen Well I think you all know how my day went. I'm working on an attitude adjustment though. I'm still frustrated, but not in despair about it like I was close to earlier. I truly appreciate your encouragement. I'm not giving up. It's been a super frustrating, depressing day, but if I gave up I'd have only myself to blame. If I do my best and the scale stays stuck then at least I can know I did my best and I'll have that much less to feel bad about. One day at a time I'll learn to not let this get to me. One day at a time my body will adjust to all the changes and one day at a time I'll become a better example for overweight people to show them that it can be done with a little patience and a lot of prayer for strength :) I did measure myself and am down in inches, so I must be doing something right with my exercise, so it must be in the food department

Bad week after giving it my all :(

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 18:58:48 GMT

HELEN: Last week: 287 This week: 288.4 + 1.4 Needless to say, after busting my butt all week at the gym and doing my very best with eating keeping my calories between 1400 and 1800 a day and getting in all my water, I'm more than a little frustrated. I worked out VERY hard four days this week at the gym. Wednesday alone I burned 1000 calories according to my heart rate monitor. I have NO clue where to go from here... I have a very bad attitude at the moment. I'm sure it'll pass and I'll be happy, determined Helen again, but right now I want to pick up the scale and pitch it as far as I can. My ONLY saving grace today is that I measured myself and I am down in inches.- ¾ inch in my waist, ¼ inch in my hips, ½ inch from my right arm and a whole inch from my right thigh since I measured two weeks ago.. Had I not had that progress I probably would just say screw it. In the last six months I only have 10 pounds of lasting weight loss L I did SO great in the winter and spring last year and when cold weather hit, the great weight losses stopped. Sorry about my bad attitude right now...but I need to express myself honestly... My goals for this coming week: I have no clue at this point L The only thing that crosses my mind right now (aside from just giving up or starving myself) is to raise my calories up and eat several small meals a day instead of three regular sized meals and a snack. I've done everything I can think of otherwise. But again, my attitude is in the crapper at the moment and I'll catch back up with you all when I've given myself an attitude adjustment.

Super intense workout today and I feel good at the end of my day :)

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 03:40:35 GMT

HELEN: I give myself a big A+ for today. I drank at least 90 ounces of water, had a SUPER intense workout at the gym today and my calories were around 1800. I went about 400 calories above my usual because I burned a THOUSAND calories at the gym today! :) Since TOM is here, I skipped the pool and spent just under 3 hours on the cardio machines and walking on the walking track for one mile. I started out walking and did 12 laps which is one mile, then I went to the fitness area. I rode the regular stationary bike for 20 minutes, got on the Arc Trainer (kind of like a gazelle) for 20 minutes, got on the rowing machine for 40 minutes (which I discovered does not have weights on it after all..yay!) and then the elliptical for 40 minutes then stretched before I went to the lockerroom and till my heart rate monitor showed 1000 calories burned. When I got off the elipital it was at 980 calories and the other 20 calories was during a little stretching when I was done. I haven't worked out that hard for a LONG time. My heart rate percentage average was 78-83%, at the upper limit of the target fat burning zone. I hadn't used the eliptical before today. When I first got on it I did NOT like it one bit :) But I made myself slow down, get the rhythm and once I got a feel for it I decided I like it after all. Especially the amount of calories you burn on that thing..WOW :) I'm definitely going to be a regular on the elliptical after seeing the calories burned go by so fast on that thing. I definitely know my diet is much lower in fat this week because as I learned when I tried the 1000 calorie diet, constipation struck again. Ugh. I'm going to have to up my fat intake a bit. With this hernia, I can't afford to mess it up worse by straining (sorry if TMI, but it affects how you can exercise :) and my hernia issue ). I don't normally go to the gym two days in a row, but I'm going back tomorrow. My husband wants me to drop him off at dialysis and pick him up again so we can go to dinner for Valentine's Day. So we're getting up early and after we get Evan on the school bus, I'll take Greg to dialysis and go to the gym till time for Evan to get out of school. I hope it helps the weigh in on Friday :) I say I had "about" 1800 calories because I had to bake cookies for Evan's preschool class for their valentine's day party tomorrow and I had a few cookies and some cookie dough as I was baking them and I don't know how many calories exactly that was, so I'm guessing the total for the day all in all would be around 1800, but after burning 1000 calories today I have no doubt that didn't hurt me anyway. I'm wiped out and about to go to bed here in a bit. I also successfully avoided getting on the scale today. One more day to fight the temptation to weigh in as two of my online support groups have Fridays for their weigh-ins so I definitely am getting on it on Friday. Oh please oh please, Lord, let it be super kind to me this week! :)

Back on Track and a Non-Scale Victory

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 10:30:05 GMT

HELEN: Well I finally get another A day. I did brave the bitter cold weather and went to the rec center and swam a little over a mile and I beat my personal record. I swam my mile in 54 minutes as opposed to the 60 minutes I'd gotten down to last week or the week before, and when I started about 3 weeks ago it took me 75 minutes. That's all I did was swim because as I was swimming I remembered that I had an appointment in Akron with my weight loss counselor and so I finished my mile, took a shower and went to the grocery store to stock up to get through the winter storm we're in the midst of (that just started an hour or so ago now), took the groceries home and took off for Akron. I got in all my water and my calories for the day are right around 1400. Actually, I went to bed early so I wouldn't be up tempted to eat anything else, but while I was laying there trying to fall asleep my little boy started crying and I got up to check on him. I think he got cold, so I turned his heater in his room up and came in here to get online while I check the school closings and listen for him to go back to sleep as he's listening to his acquarium music toy right now. I'm kind of keeping an eye on him for an ear infection as he's prone to those after a bad cold like he's getting over now. I had a good session with my counselor and told her about my frustrations of late with the scale and how I was fighting my discouragement from getting the best of me. I agreed to not get on the scale until Fridays and I successfully avoided it today. I talked to her about the Yahoo Group I moderate called Challenged to Change (http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ChallengedtoChange/)and my role there and she was really interested in our group and what we do and asked me a lot of questions about us. But to put it in a nutshell, she wants me to make a list of NSVs and keep focused on it and adding to it and focus on the benefits I'm getting other than the scale when I stay on track. She asked me "If I were to poke a hole in you and let all that water out, how would it change things?" I said "can you? here, please do" :) Then I said "well it would show me my true weight and not water weight and help me to know if I'm really making progress or not." She said "would it change your exercise or eating plans at all?" I thought about it and said no, not really other than maybe I wouldn't get as discouraged by the number on the scale and let the gain defeat me. She said "well if you know you're doing what you need to and wouldn't change it if I were to poke a hole in you and let the water out, why let holding the water for now defeat you?" Then she asked me if I'm measured myself or seen a difference in my clothes and I admitted that yes, I was in some smaller jeans now and my inches were going down. She asked me where my water collects and I pulled my pants leg on my left leg up and showed her my leg and she said "oh yes, I can see it there". Then we were discussing my family's health problems and how I'm feeling guilty for using money to join the gym that maybe I should be using for medical bills, etc. She said "would you still have medical bills if you used that money for that in stead of the gym?" I laughed and said we would, yes. She said "Well if you really feel a burning need to feel guilty about something, redirect that guilt and feel guilty if you DON'T go to the gym and DON'T get healthier for yourself and your family. Or feel guilty if you don't get to the gym after using the money to join it." So I'm working on redirecting my issues and making them positive instead of negative. It's going to be a long process probably :) I go back the first week of March and she wants me to bring my food journals and to bring a printout of my meals focusing on any changes I've made to my eatiing from how I ate differently than my plan and to make sure to record everything I've eaten good or bad and include the times I've eaten. I tend to not journal the things I eat when I get off track like last weekend with the paczke and the brownies. Anyway..so it went well all in all. As I mentioned, we're in the midst of a winter storm right now and we're supposed to get from 6-10 inches of snow overnight and throughout the day. I looked outside a bit ago and the road is already covered and it's snowing heavily, so I'm worried about Greg having to drive to dialysis and hoping Evan's school is closed so I don't have to worry about him being out on bad roads. I'm really going to try to carry the good day I had today out through the rest of the week and pray to have good results on the scale on Friday. I keep telling myself "The only thing you have to do to make this work is control what goes in your mouth, how easy is that? Just eat what you should and then just stop. Just do it". As we all know, it can be more complicated than that, but with my bad eating last weekend, I need to tell myself to just not put any more in my mouth than I have planned and just do it.

A husband on dialysis, a little boy who doesn't talk yet and finances going down the tubes. How can I put myself first in light of all that??

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 09:21:05 GMT

HELEN: I had gotten down to 283 on Jan. 22nd just to have a 9 pound gain a few days later putting me back up to 292. Obviously water weight. I've tried SO hard to not let it affect my motivation level, but it definitely has. I'd dropped back down to 287 the other day then back up to 289 this morning. I've been working out so hard and focusing so much on this and today the scale got the better of me and I caved to temptation in the form of a paczke and brownies. And as usual, now I'm beating myself up about it and trying to figure out how to get myself back on track and rid of the water weight and closer to the 270's soon. It's stressing me out so much I'm even dreaming about it. I dreamed about Bob Harper last night for crying out loud! I can do so well and be so focused and when the scale doesn't cooperate, I cave to seeking comfort from my problems (which are many...) from some type of sweets or other carbohydrates. My little boy Evan will be five next month and he does not speak yet. He initially had the diagnosis of PDDnos when he was two years old and he's had intervention with preschool and therapies since then. He's really progressed in leaps and bounds with everything but his speech which still remains the big issue. The only word I have ever heard him say was "mommmm" and that's just when he was distressed, but it's been a long time since I've heard that. His teacher meets with us at our home once a month for a home visit to go over what Evan is learning at school and she told us recently that he's doing fantastic academically. He knows his alphabet, numbers and colors and shapes and can identify most animals and things on cards they show him. He just can't talk about it yet. Right now, doctors are scratching their heads about him as he has great eye contact, not at all in a world all his own, very loving and affectionate and interested in what's going on around him, but he can't talk to interact with people yet, so he has the hand flapping thing that's his way of communicating right now. He definitely gets his point across in what he wants by taking my finger and leading me to what he wants, but I hope and pray he can speak soon so that when he's sick he can tell me what hurts. One doctor says that if he does not speak by the time he turns five (a litlte over a month from now) that he'll be diagnosed with moderate autism. Another doctor we saw a month or so ago, after examining him said "I'm telling you, I do not see autism here anymore at all. I think when I first suspected it, I jumped the gun because now I'm thinking it's just a severe language delay that will resolve itself later than most kids begin talking. We just have to wait and see when Evan decides to start talking, but I definitely don't see autism in him at all anymore." So that gave me hope, but the mixed signals from the various doctors and the fears I have of Evan's future if he doesn't begin speaking keep me stressed out a lot (on top of my worries of our finances and my husband's kidney disease/dialysis). My husband Greg is in end stage renal disease and is on kidney dialysis three times a week. He's on the transplant list and we are just like many people, playing the waiting game for his name to come to the top of the list or for a miracle to happen and a living donor to come forward to give him their kidney (I offered one of mine, but have lots of kidney stone issues as a complication of my gastric bypass surgery, so his doctors told me I'm not a candidate). So as he is disabled, and my son needs me to get him to therapies and be home to interact with his teacher for home visits and working with him to try to improve his development, I'm a stay at home mom right now, which is killing our finances. I'm seriously considering going back to work full time this Spring or Summer after I recouperate from my hernia repair/panniculectomy surgeries because we need the money. Then if I do, I have the worry of who is going to get Evan off the school van on days Greg is at the hospital having dialysis and how will I meet with his teachers and therapists if I'm at work during the day? If I take an evening job, I won't be home with Evan in the evenings when he needs me most when he's home from school and I fear it would hurt his devleopment even more. I recently found out that he's going to be in preschool again next year and will enter kindergarten when he's six due to his birthday being in March (which is good, but that gives us one more year for him to get out of school at 1:00 instead of later in the afternoon) Sigh...so LOTS of reasons to be freaked out if I let myself be (which I do from time to time I guess). It's so hard in light of my family's needs to focus on my own health and my own needs...I'm trying to pray about it more to gain strength from God to endure it all. I'm just really discouraged today, feeling guilty for BEING so discouraged, feeling weak in my motivation and trying to give myself an attitude adjustment all at the same time as trying to calm down about it all. I've been working out hard, staying on track most of the time, getting frustrated with lack of results on the scale and caving to comfort food once in a while that's definitely not helping matters any. Sigh...I was doing great before the water retention struck. Why couldn't the numbers on the scale have kept going down when I was doing so great....sigh...it's a vicious cycle :( Helen

Non-Scale Victory- compliments from a young fit lifeguard :)

Sat, 09 Feb 2008 08:02:20 GMT

HELEN: I worked out really hard at the rec center today and got some nice compliments from a young male lifeguard. I walked a mile on the track, rode the regular stationary bike for 15 minutes, the recumbent bike for 20 minutes and swam one mile in one hour. When I got out of the pool after swimming my mile, I was drying off and the young male lifeguard said, "You swam for an HOUR straight without stopping!" I said, "yeah, I try to get a mile in and it takes me about an hour" (in my most humble tone I could muster lol). He said "I would NEVER swim that long. WOW!". I told him "well I'm going to be having that tummy tuck in April and I want to get as much weight off as I can and get my money's worth, right?" But inside it sure felt good to hear him say that lol. It feels good to be able to show people that just because you're overweight doesn't mean you can't surprise them with how physical you can be. It's like I'm back to trying to kill the stereotypes of big people again and that feels good. I'm starting to feel more like a normal overweight person and not a super overweight person like I used to be and it feels good to be somewhat blending in now.

Lessons learned from Zechariah

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 04:30:31 GMT

HELEN:

Ok, well a better day today than the past few days. I get a B. I went to the gym and burned 600 calories walking a mile (as I watched for a stationary bike to open up), riding stationary and recumbant bikes for 45 minutes and swimming 1/2 a mile. Not as much as usual because I had to hurry and get home to get Evan off the school van, but a good steady two hour workout all in all. I think I ran a little short on my water, but I definitely went a little over my calories I had planned. Emotional eating I think, but I hope I worked it off at the gym. I got brave and wore my heart rate monitor in the pool as my friend Shelley has the same kind and told me she found out you can wear ours in water. I kept looking at it after every lap at first to make sure it was ok and it was fine (thanks Shelley lol). I got up today, got on the scale...same number it has been the past few days, still up 5 pounds from where I was last week (stubborn water retention). Ugh. Someone poke a hole in me! :) But I gave myself a good talking to and prayed a lot before leaving for and on the way to the rec center.

I'm realizing that this big hump I'm trying to get over isn't going to happen in my own strength. I definitely need the Lord's help. I'm constantly learning and growing in my Christian life and learning how God talks to me. Last night I went to bed and read the Bible on my PDA before getting sleepy enough to fall asleep (as I can read that in the dark to not wake Greg up). I was reading the book of Zechariah and basically it's a vision God is showing Zechariah about how He's going to restore Israel. In chapter 2 verse 8 it says "...for whoever touches you (Israel) touches the apple of His (God's) eye." In chapter 3, it's talking about a vision Zechariah had where he saw a high priest standing before God and that Satan was standing there accusing him. It says "The LORD said to Satan, "The Lord rebuke you, Satan." and it goes on to talk about how God restored the high priest symbolic of how God is going to cleanse and restore Israel as a priestly nation. Then in chapter 4, verse 6 talks about how God is going to help restore Jerusalem and He said "not by might, not by power, but by My Spirit says the Lord Almighty."

These verses really stood out to me in light of what I'm dealing with about my weight right now and I know that you can read a verse in the Bible one day and get one thing out of it and another day and get something totally different out of it, depending on what you're facing in your life at the time. Anyway...what God spoke to me about this is that I am the apple of God's eye and that God wants the very best for me. If anyone (be it Satan accusing me or me making bad choices for myself) touches me, they're touching the apple of God's eye. So when I don't take care of myself, I'm not doing for myself what God would want for me. On the opposite side of the coin, many things in the life of a Christian is spiritual warfare. Sometimes when a Chrsitian has low self esteem, it's forces of evil accusing them to try to render them ineffective in their lives and boy does it work. If we get so down about ourselves, we are ineffective in every area of our lives and when we're ineffective we are no threat to the forces of evil, so they have us where they want us. So whether it be making bad choices for myself or listening to accusations that make me think I can not accomplish what I want, it's touching the apple of God's eye and not at all what God wants for me. So then when it discusses Satan accusing the high priest and God says "The Lord rebuke you", it strikes me that it's HIS power that rebukes evil and not my own. He does not say "hey high priest, rebuke Satan who is accusing you." He says "I" rebuke you, get out of here and leave my child in peace. So that reminds me that I am God's child and He wants me to come to Him asking for help and to depend on Him more to fight for me. I depend on my own strength way too much. Which is where chapter 4 comes in. It's not by my own power or might that I accomplish anything, but by the help God gives me.

So anyway...it's a lesson to me as a Christian that I try to fight way too many of my battles in my own strength instead of asking for help and depending on God more to help me get through things. I'm also guilty of not asking others for help enough, I'm aware, as I'm the type that's always afraid of bothering people. Often I'll avoid calling a friend to talk for fear that I'll call at the wrong time or bother them and so I just won't call even when I love my friends dearly. It's a fear of losing people thing I think. I've lost so many friends and family to death that I don't want to lose anyone by being a pest so I don't lean on them like I probably should. But more so, I do the same thing with God. I'm always afraid that my problems are too small for Him and then I get the old tapes playing in my head that say I'm not important enough to trouble Him with my issues. I get that from a very temperamental father who would often berate me and I learned to avoid him as much as possible due to his nasty temper, so I'm transferring that to my spiritual Father too.

Anyway...I know not everyone here shares my faith, but I've noticed that many of you do, so I hope that the lessons God was trying to teach me last night and this morning is something you can glean something from as well whether you have Christian beliefs or not. So I'm really going to try to lean on God more often and try to stop listening to the accusing voices that tell me my issues are too small to trouble God or the people in my life with and I'm going to try to spend more time in prayer asking for help outside myself. My motivation level is better today. I did eat a little off my plan, but really not all that far off. I'm going back to the rec center tomorrow and I can take my time as we're keeping Evan home from school again since he came home today with his nose running and coughing a lot, so Greg's going to be home with him and I can take my time at the gym.

HElen

Still battling the water monster - The warrior is a child

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 06:29:44 GMT

HELEN:

Sigh...

Ok, so I'm still all full of water and I'd gained a whopping nine pounds! Oh man! But today I have one of those pounds off and my tooth has stopped hurting and the worst of the symptoms I had for about 3 days are gone. I sure hope the other 8 leave me SOON and take a few friends with it.

I'm pretty bummed about it today to be perfectly honest, but I'm trying to take my own advice and take it one day at a time. If the water is still here tomorrow, I'll try to focus on tomorrow and that's it. Then the next day...the same thing. Eventually my body will cooperate and get rid of this stubborn water. But at the same time, I'm thankful for the lessons that I learn through moments like this.

It teaches me endurance, patience, tenacity and to overcome temptation (like giving in to cheesecake when the scale is going UP instead of down after a week of heavy excercise).

Also, by being honest in my journey and chronicling the bad with the good here, maybe as I learn what helps and hurts things like this (my water gain), it can help those who read my posts who may be dealing with the same things.

I've come to learn through the trials I have with my family's disabilities that there's a reason why the Lord allows things like this to happen and that if we focus on the lessons we're being taught through the trials, it's easier to bear up under the weight of the struggle.

This too will come to pass :) Eventually!

Today I've had on my mind something my online friend Leela said the other day. I'm trying to "soldier through it". The imagery for me is that of a soldier trudging through a battlefield and walking one step at a time even though bullets are flying from every direction. Then I think of that Twila Paris song, "The Warrior is a Child". If you've never heard it, it goes "They don't know that I go running home when I fall down, they don't know who picks me up when no one is around. I drop my sword and look up for a smile. Deep inside this armour....the warrior is a child." So I try to trudge through the battlefield and go home, drop my sword and drop to my knees and cry out to the Father to pleeeeeeease help this warrior lol.

Lyrics to Twila Paris song, "The Warrior is a Child"

Lately I've been winning battles left and right

But even winners can get wounded in the fight

People say that I'm amazing

Strong beyond my years

But they don't see inside of me

I'm hiding all the tears

And they don't know that I go

running home when I fall down

They don't know who picks me up when no one is around

I drop my sword and cry for just a while

'Cause deep inside this armor

The warrior is a child

Unafraid because His armor is the best

But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest

People say that I'm amazing

Never face retreat

But they don't see the enemies

That lay me at His feet

And they don't know that I go

running home when I fall down

They don't know who picks me up when no one is around

I drop my sword and cry for just a while

'Cause deep inside this armor

The warrior is a child

And they don't know that I go

running home when I fall down

They don't know who picks me up when no one is around

I drop my sword and look up for a smile

'Cause deep inside this armor

Deep inside this armor

The warrior is a child

Imagery does help at moments like this :)

New health issues, seeking help. Lymphedema?

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 16:33:39 GMT

HELEN: I've been having some health issues lately on top of spending more time at the gym trying to get this weight down. I just got off the phone making a doctor appointment to try to seek some help for this water retention. I'm up yet another pound and am looking at 292 today (from the 283 I was at just the other day), so that's up NINE pounds now. I called my doctor and the soonest they could get me in was the middle of February and after the receptionist asked me what was wrong and I told her, she said I needed seen sooner than that, so she made an appointment with the nurse practitioner tomorrow at 1:00. I hope I can keep the appointment! We have a winter storm watch from tonight to late tomorrow night, so I'm concerned about making it the nearly hour drive to Mansfield. I've been having some new symptoms and after doing some research online the other night, I really think it's lymphedema. I've had a killer toothache, some blurred vision, lots of dizziness, severe fatigue, feeling like I'm in a dream. Those are all symptoms I read about on the web the other night for symptoms of lymphedema, along with my old symptoms of darkened skin on my lower left leg from when I was at my heaviest weight. I really think I did a lot of damage to my lymphatic system when I weighed 457 pounds that I'm seeing the results of now at 283 (or whatever my true weight is under all this water). When I woke up yesterday and looked in the mirror, my neck was swollen and it was hard to tell where my jaw ended and my neck began. As the day progressed, it went down and my lower left leg swelled up more. I did work out at the rec center yesterday and had to have a shorter workout as I had my first appointment with the counselor I'm going to be starting to see (that works with my surgeon) every other week. So I walked about two miles and got on the stationary bike for about 20 minutes but skipped the swimming since I had to be in Akron for that appointment. I definitely skipped getting in the hot tub or sauna as I think that may be the cause of this recent increase in symptoms. I was originally doing research online to see if a sauna would improve (or make worse) the water retention issues I've been having. I wound up following links to other places about lymphedema and that's how I came to find out the toothache and all the other symptoms are symptoms of lymphedema. Anyway...I read that you should avoid sources of heat like hot tubs and saunas if you're having trouble with water retention because heat constricts your blood vessels making the passage of fluids more difficult. Bingo. I think that's what's caused my problems here lately. I've been sitting in the hot tub after every intense workout thinking it would HELP my circulatory system, but instead it's the opposite. I've been in the sauna twice as well. I really don't think my doctor can do anything about my water pill prescription due to my problem with low potassium, but I'm going to try to see if the nurse practitioner tomorrow will 1. Give me a prescription for compression stockings (as I don't know if I'm wrapping my legs too tightly or not tightly enough with the ace bandages) and 2. A referral to some type of physical therapy to try to pump this excess fluid out of me on a regular basis OR 3. Refer me to a lymphatic specialist. Something has to give here...I'm sick of seeing the scale shoot up like this, but lately much more than that, this recent set of symptoms is scaring me. I know it's not a true tooth ache because I've had a root canal done on that tooth. It's not at all like me to get so severely fatigued in the evenings (and all day long the day before yesterday) as I'm usually a night owl, as you all know. So pray that the weather holds up so I can get to my appointment tomorrow and that I can have some type of therapy or something to help with this. Thanks! Helen