Helen and Kelley Joining Forces

  I've been trying to post here for a week and haven't been able to get it to let me log in.  Finally I got an email from Live that gave me a link to a support site that walked me through how to fix it and here I am :)

  I'm going to update our space here over the next few days and remove the Million Pounds Match Up graphics (since that's now so last year) :)

  I made the mistake of letting myself get off plan while I recovered from my surgery in April (the hernia repair and panniculectomy).  Once I was recovered enough to walk around the house and fend for myself, I was in the habit of eating whatever and I wasn't allowed to work out till July and by then not working out was habit.

   Also, I think I was trying SOOOO hard to get as much weight off as possible before my surgeries and was stalled that it discouraged me and I felt defeated.  You'd think after having 12 pounds of loose skin removed after losing a ton of weight, it would motivate me to get even healthier, but nooo :)    This is another reminder to me that this is a life-long journey.

  But anyway...I got back on track a week ago with my eating and now have to get back to the gym.  I'm actively involved in my online support groups now to help with the mindset and that's working.  So say a prayer for me that this is the first page in a new chapter of progress. 

   I hope you're all doing well!

 

Helen

HELEN:

 

   Whew...what a long two weeks :)  Surgery was two weeks ago today and I'm back to feeling like myself again at least mentally. That first week I was in a fog with the pain meds and all.  I was pretty uncomfortable sleeping half sitting up and feeling loopy most of the time.  But I got my staples and drains out the day before yesterday and I'm feeling much much better and able to sit straight up long enough to post and email. 

  I counted 128 staples from hip to hip and I had 3 drains in that I had to empty and measure 3 times a day. I felt like I had bees stinging me all the time where the staples were, and I was always afraid I (or my little boy) would accidentally pull a drain out. Boy it feels so good to be rid of those!

  Surgery went well. I was in surgery for four hours. I came out from under anesthesia faster than I feared I might. I'd guessed to come back to around 2:00 PM, but it was 12:30 when I woke up and looked at the clock.  The doctors and nurses and staff were all great and I have no complaints (other than a security guard or maintenance worker giving my family who were waiting a hard time).

  They removed 12 pounds during surgery and my plastic surgeon told me that I won't see the final result for another 8 weeks or so as there's a lot of swelling yet. But already I'm down a size. I had just gotten into a size 26 jeans at the end of the year and I got into a size 24 the other day when I came home after having the drains pulled out. They are snug, but they came on and zipped and that's overtop the abdominal binder I have to wear for a while yet.

   The first few days I could only eat ice chips and that was fine by me as I was only thirsty anyway (they say from the anesthesia) and then I advanced to gelatin and popsicles (which it turned out was sugar free...nasty stuff and sugar substitutes don't agree with me). But after I came home I slowly advanced to a normal diet.  The ladies from my Women's Bible Study group organized a group to bring us dinner every other day. That's been SO helpful and so appreciated. Everything has been wonderful (though so far every one of them has brought chicken lol), but I'm truly thankful and grateful for their generosity and it's made even chicken every day taste nice :) I'm blessed to have such a great group of ladies looking after us.

  Right now my restrictions are no lifting more than 5-10 pounds for another 5-6 weeks and the only exercise I'm allowed is walking. The pain has subsided a great deal and I'm really shocked at how much easier the recovery is than what I'd read about and anticpated. The only real pain I have now is when I bend over or cough or move just right. It feels tight where the horizontal incision is (from hip to hip) (there's a vertical incision from the hernia repair that's healing nicely) but that's improving too.  At one point it felt like I had a belt on that someone was pulling as tightly as they could while a hundred bees were stinging me :) But now the stinging is gone and it just feels a little snug. As the swelling goes down, I'm sure that will subside.

  My hernia repair surgeon (the bariatric surgeon) said he tightened me up a lot in the upper abdomen before he put the mesh in, and I'm thrilled that that top roll of fat is way way down now and of course the lower fat roll is gone. So I have one roll now instead of two, but if I get back to working out again once I'm able, and back on track with my eating, I can work that off.

   Some of my tops are too big now (I didn't expect that..just pants) and the others fit much better and lay nicely already. I'm better proportioned already now. I used to be a size larger in pants than I was in tops, and now I'm the same size top and bottom. I'm looking forward to the final result and really happy with the results I already see. No regrets :)

  I've spent a lot of time reading since it's been painful to sit upright to be online, so I've gone through about 4 books already. My favorite being "Dead Heat" by Joel Rosenberg (my favorite author). It's the last in his "The Last Jihad" series.

  I hope you're all doing well and I've missed reading your progress :)

  I watched the BL finale the night before my surgery. Congrats to Marcus and Amber on winning the Million Pounds Match Up! And of course to Ali for being the first female Biggest Loser! You all did SO well and really inspire me.

  God bless,

 

Helen

HELEN:

 

  Spring is finally here! My family and I took a walk for the first time this year today and wow did it feel great to be outside with the sun shining and in the fresh air again.  It sure seemed like the winter would never end! 

  It's odd. Up until this year, the winter time was always my best time to lose weight. For as long as I can remember I would do awesome at losing weight after the holidays and until summer. This year is the opposite and I think I'm becoming more like a normal person in that regard.  Most people seem to lose weight best in warmer weather months. I've always been a little odd in being opposite :)  I think I made the switch last year when I got fit enough to start riding my bike a lot, walking a lot more and getting a lot of outdoor exercise. So now this year I've been at this stand still this winter and have been completely freaking out about it in light of my surgery that's coming up in just 10 more days.

   Anyway...I did not lose the weight my surgeon had wanted me to and it definitely was not for lack of trying , let me tell ya. So I find myself extremely nervous about it all... I feel like I let myself down, I feel like I let my surgeons down and have made their jobs more difficult but at the same time, I've tried so hard and worked out so hard so how much can I let myself beat up on myself about it, ya know?

  In all honestly, this past week I have been off track with my eating, but the majority of the winter I've been on track and workout out like a crazy woman.  One of my favorite aunts passed away last week.  Her funeral was just the other day.  I've been comfort eating to block the stress in all honesty and I'm trying hard to get a handle on it and undo any damage this 10 days as possible. So when I screw up, I will readily admit that.  But my screw ups have been few this year and with all the working out I've done I should have dropped a ton of weight anyway, but here I am...stuck and looking at only 10 days till surgery and completely stresssed out about it.

  All kinds of things are going through my mind. Will my surgeon really believe that I honestly have been trying hard to drop more weight before surgery or will he have the preconceived notion that I tossed any efforts to the wind?  Will the lack of lost weight create problems for him during surgery? Will he get into the hernia repair and decide it best to not have the plastic surgeon go ahead with the panniculectomy? Will I be ok with anesthesia? Is my current weight acceptable for a successful surgery for both the hernia repair and the panniculectomy? What if something goes wrong...my husband and son need me...  yada yada.  I lay awake at night worrying about all of this the closer the surgery date gets.

  But any rate....

  I'm going to try to devote this next ten days to eating as sensibly as I can and working out as hard as I possibly can and try to get as healthy in this short amount of time as I can.  Not really all that unlike what I have been doing anyway (apart from last week) but I guess you never know when my body may decide to cooperate finally and let me drop some weight before surgery.  I'm up a few pounds as a result of my botched week last week and I want to try to undo the damage of any regain before surgery.

  The beautiful day and the walk out in it gave me a little boost of motivation, so I hope the nice weather holds out a while.

  I'll try to post a few more times before my surgery date but after that of course, it will be a week or two probably till I get back online.

  I have one appointment with the plastic surgeon a few days before surgery and I'm really glad about that so that I can express my concerns and fears to him and get his input.  The surgeon who is doing the hernia repair is a bariatric surgeon and is the one who was the most concerned about my trying to get more weight off before having the panniculectomy part, which the plastic surgeon will be handling.  So perhaps talking to the plastic surgeon before surgery will help me to sort out my fears and concerns.  My thinking is that if the plastic surgeon had many concerns about my current weight, he would have expressed it to me during my consultation with him, but he didn't. I've seen pictures online of people bigger than me who had the panniculectomy.  I understand my bariatric surgeon's concerns too though... sigh...I'm just confused and really stressed...

  Ugh. What a mess my emotions are lately :)

  Well we are apparently among those who did not win the Million Pounds Match up and among those who are confused where all the 18.000 or more websites are that they said are in the contest. But Kelley and I are going to keep our site up and running and try to keep working on this anyway.

  It is depressing to hear that the winners have been notified, but none of us in all the circles of friends here have seen much over 1000 sites but they said there are what...18,000 or so? 

   Kelley and I have been one of the featured sites for over a week now and I'm wondering why they have some of us featured but apparently none of us are among the winners...that's odd to me. Why wouldn't they feature the winners if there was no confidentiality problem?  (I've read on other blogs that the winners were told that they could tell anyone they wanted to).  Kelley and I are keeping our site up and running, but are wondering if it's some wierd technicality like having music on the site or some graphic that's not allowed or some little technicality?  Ugh :(

  I tried to stay close to the rules and regulations, but found them pretty confusing. Like where it said the the BL logos, etc. they supplied us must not be altered in any way shape or form. What do they consider altered? I know for us, we had to resize it to get it to fit in the modules that Windows Lives spaces restricts you to. Would something as seemingly simple as that keep the majority of us from winning?

  Oh well :(

HELEN:

 

   My appointment for pre-op testing went well today. I had some blood drawn, blood pressure taken (it was normal and perfect), urine collected, answered a ton of questions and then saw a doctor for an exam and answered a ton of questions for him. Then he listened to my heart and lungs and examined my abdomen where the hernia is.  When he looked at the huge hump where the hernia is, when I was laying on my back, he said "oh yes...that's a big big hernia alright". Ugh.
  But it sounds like everything was as it should be from what I could tell. Oh, and they had me get on the lovely scale and I was fully dressed with shoes on and so my weight was up way more than I expected but I'm hoping it's all the clothes and shoes as I usually weigh in naked.
  Before my pre-op testing, I had an appointment with my counselor (in the same building). She works with the psychologist who works with the bariatric team and my surgeon and nutritionist. Her official title is Post-Doctoral Health Psychology Fellow, so she's like a step away from being a full psychologist. But because she's working on accreditation, her services are free to me and that's really helpful with all we have going on.
   That appointment went really well. I really like her. She thinks I'm being too hard on myself and need to cut myself some slack. Easier said than done, as we all know, but I'm sure she's right. I hear that a lot from friends.  But she wants to bring me up in their next team meeting and go over what the others think (the bariatric team that includes my surgeon, nutritionist, her boss the main psychologist, etc.) as she thinks I'm doing everything I could possibly be doing (all but last week when I comfort ate when my aunt died) and my weight loss has stopped. She's thinking the stress I've been under is at the bottom of things and wants to see their thoughts about it. We'll see what they come up with...
  I'm going to try to just watch my point intake the next few weeks and concentrate my workouts on mainly swimming to work on improving my lung capacity before surgery time. The weather is beautiful here today and I'm tempted to get out on my bike for the first time this year too.

   Can you believe there's only one more episode of BL before the finale? Wow, this season went by fast!!  I really thought Roger would be going home as it seemed it was his time to hit a plateau, but I was surprised when it was down to the two brothers. I'm liking Mark a lot more than I used to and am glad to see he's a good guy after all.  Mostly, I'm glad the girls are both still there. I really hope Kelly makes it as a finalist. I like her. Ali has done an amazing job too, but I can relate to Kelly a lot more.  Sidney was beautiful and how cool is it that they did a triathlon? :) I think the running is what would do me in. Maybe once the panniculectomy is done that would change, but that's not an easy thing for them to do and I applaud them all for completing it!  Also, how very cool was it that Mark waited for Ali to catch up with him and finish together? :)